Necron still can't get over the gay, and sends this to Troll:

May 26th, 2002
Subject: THOUGHT OF DOOM TORMENT DEAD KORSPE HEAD
adeler troll now i got somethin to say bout yer letter and yer calling me a pansy yah master yoda is kewl well i'm npot gay,i'm cleerly a man. but is satan reely a lezbean.oh my god what other gurls has satan been with do you have pictures. thats dissgusting,but evil, oh god, it's so evil and i want to kiss satan soooooooooooo bad ido i do id do. well i asked filiosifer MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH bout lezbeans and faggits and if its evil. and he saya oh npo what they tell ya now. and i say, well remember troll thats satans boy frind ,well hes gay and satan is a lezbean but they like each toehr too.so beeing gay what is it. and he says an underrated meens of bith kontrol.and i say well is it evil and he says well necron if yer thinkin evil is oppisite of bibel, yes its konsidered evil.so i say ,well, yer hansome.and he says what did you say and i kiss him and he skreams like a gurl and kurses but ya know kissing boys isn't diffrent from kissing gurls and i told him he knows he liked it and he says god get away from me freek and i say yah i gess i'm a skrewed up freek,and i go to my howse and my stoopid mortal gardians are bitching i say shut up and kontemplate matters if doom in the doom room ha ha.but don't think its happy doom is not happy it is doom.so look i;m no panzy ass wussy from wonchester and i don't know if i'm truley a faggit and will satan still love me if i'm not god do the problems ever end.and the serimony is coming and shold there be a gay section ya know we started owt as just vampyres but satan has taught me sooo many newthings,and damn it wheres that rakoon, see i had a rakkoon in a kooler of water in my kloset oh there it is see its fer the serimony ya can come if ya want we'll try to have it at dinisore land if not at lake fedrik.NECRON ROAQNCER OF DEATH

Jellyfish, I am so, so sorry we made Necron kiss you. Anyway, Troll didn't know what set Necron off, and asks him for a copy of the email...

Re: THOUGHT OF DOOM TORMENT DEAD KORSPE HEAD?
Josh,
I don't mean to bother you, but I don't suppose you could sned me a copy of the last e-mail I sent you. I was terribly buggered at the time and have no idea what the hell I told you. I would very much appreciate it if you could send me a copy. I like to know what I've said and done.
Oh, and also, I do not like to repeat myself. So, we'll go over this once more. I am not technically gay. I very much appreciate females. The fact that I can appreciate males as well, simply means I do not limit myself. I find limits so, limiting. Now, I have found what I want, and look no longer.
Now then, on to the subject of my lady being a gay. She and I are alike in that aspect. She too has not limited herself to one single sex. I mean, after all, women can be such bitches, and men trully are pigs. The fact that she and I can appreciate the same physical attributes simply makes our relationship that much stronger and more interesting.
I would very much appreciate it if you would piss off on thinking about kissing my lady. May I point out, that she has claimed me, and I her. I have no desire to see her kissing other males, or females for that matter, and I have it on good authority that she has no desire to kiss you. Who's authority you might ask, hers. She also thinks you're ugly. I have not yet reached a conclusion on that field, because I have yet to see a good picture of you. However, I do know that there is only one person I want to trully kiss, and you are not said person.
What, might I ask, is this latest obsession you have with kissing other males? Let alone the evilness of it. I would like to point out that there is nothing in the bible that goes against homosexuality. In fact, there are several sections that imply that Jesus himself prefered the presence of males rather than females. Why do you think he was such a wonderful leader of men?
No, there are no pictures of my lady with other females. She has only looked, not experimented nearly as much as I have. Of course, she's the only female I've ever been really attracted too, though we both agree that SMG is attractive. Of course, we also agree that ASH and JM are cute as well, but hey, that just means that we agree on TV shows that much more easily. Personally, I think she likes ASH and JM for their accents. Bit like mine actually. Course, she thinks that Father and I both look a bit like ASH. Hehee... at least he's handsome.
Tonight, I danced for her. I love taunting her. She's so cute when she's mad. Oh, and when she blushes... pure heaven... I could so die a happy man then... nobody blushes like her... she is so lovely, that a sunset in England dims when compared to her beauty... So perfect. We danced tonight... And I sang to her, and held her, and it was so wonderful. She's so strong, yet so fragile... I like that feeling when I'm holding her... to know that she doesn't need the protection I offer, but that she accepts it... She even let me use my gifts tonight... let me show her how she makes me feel... let me share... she's the only one who has seen my gift in action. But, she is the only that deserves it... and it is such a wonderful way to express myself...
Well, I'm off... I've spent an enchanted evening with my lady... and we didn't get together till late... tomorrow... is another day... with even more possibilities than today....
Taa, taa,
Adelar the Troll

Of course, it's time for Jellyfish to get righteously indignant at me. I don't blame him.

May 27th, 2002
Necron?
Dear "Satan",
I choose not to engross myself heavily in the nuances of NECRON, ROMANCER OF DEATH's life as doing so would likely result in little actual learning and enormous actual headaches. I do not know who you and your "British" (I have yet to meet an actual Briton; or individual of any nationality at all; who writes in dialect) consort "Adelar the Troll" are, nor is it really my business as you claim not to be "Satan" and I believe you, but I do have to wonder what you are writing to my advisee NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH for him to suddenly develop a sexual attraction to me and to act upon it quite against my will. This is quite embarrassing; more so than even the abortion debacle or the "Hitler is a bird" tirade (how the HELL...no, I actually really don't want to know). It is destroying a club whose intent was, as I first saw it, to abstain from the conventions of organized religion that dictate even the seemingly secular portions of the human milleu, and to promote vampyrism; in short to extoll the great importance of placing Self over surrounding matter, all of which is Dross. This, of course, is classic LaVey Satanism. I will not tell you what would occur at our meetings before Josh was elected High Priest, only that 1.No roadkill was ever involved 2.No "sacrifice" of virgin females or females of any sort came into the picture; I adore women and could never fathom harming one 3.No dinosaurs. Josh was chosen because I believed he had great potential, being an extremely open-minded and inconspicuous person. I hate to admit that perhaps his mind is so open that, somewhere along the way, his brain fell out and hasn't been seen since. For a long time I listened to Josh and managed to piece together everything he said into an odd tapestry; ie our club today. Since he began corresponding with you, Adelar the Troll and even the Succubus, who I have on good authority from a fellow member as actually being a gentle soul, everything has completely fallen to pieces to the point that NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH has inquired as to how a celebration of homosexuality could be incorperated into one of our "ceremonies." On that note, he promised to bring something "reely bloeted" to the next one, and I fear that it ties into his recent change of orientation.
So, in a word; and I know I tend to ramble; I'm infamous for it but I feel that NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH has told you enough about us that I can be more open; PLEASE watch what you say to him. It may amuse you terribly to hear of him doing whatever you tell him to, but keep in mind that to him, you ARE Satan, and your word has far more value than mine or anyone else's. From your response to me months ago I deduced that you are an intelligent girl; thus you must know that if anything you say directly causes Josh to impart physical harm to himself or another you will be held culpable. I regret having to tell you this, but getting Josh to take anything with a grain of salt is impossible.
Sincerely, Paul

I do so like Jellyfish. I reply:

Subject: Re: Necron
I knew there was a reason I was fond of you. Let me be frank.
I haven't directly emailed Josh in several months, for the exact reasons you mentioned. I don't want to encourage him or bait him. I'd love it if you could convince him I'm not Satan. I doubt that will happen, but...
About Troll. I dearly love Troll, but yes, he's not actually British. I wish he'd lay off the accent. *sighs* Now, about the sexuality issue... I did not breathe a word to Josh about that, and if you'd like to discuss that issue, ask Troll himself. ripperstroll@hotmail.com
The Hitler bird of doom is my fault. I'll send you a copy of the offending essay if you so desire, but believe me, he took a comparison the wrong way, and things snowballed. I just thought he might enjoy a bit of reading in lieu of a detailed response. Shame on me.
As for the really bloated sacrifice, it's a raccoon, as you've no doubt already discovered. -_-
I empathize with your situation entirely. The Horde is rather less than cooperative about abstaining from contact with Josh, and Troll keeps up a fairly steady stream of communication with him. There's no need for my dear Succubus to go around demanding cheese stick sacrifices, and no need for Troll to go on about his sexuality. I've watched with increasing horror as Josh has ranted about abortion and sexuality, and especially the Hitler bird of doom.
I fear we're in much the same position. The minions rarely if ever do anything these days besides torment Josh. I've become circumspectly perplexed with Josh's antics and rants to my cohorts, but I have not encouraged this torture. When I stopped corresponding to Josh, I told the others to do the same, but, as you can see, only two of us have actually done so. Frankly, I think talking to Troll has irreversibly damaged Necron's ideas of "Satanism" and I am more than disheartened.
Oh, and I dislike to be threatened. You know as well as I do I am not to blame for any physical harm Josh brings upon himself through misinterpretations of my discouragement of this irrational attachment to me. I am willing to help you curtail any such action, but I would hardly be responsible should anything happen to the boy. He is not my ward.
Now, since you know Josh the best, is there any way we together can steer him back to your original intent? I'm more than willing to help in this matter, even though I am loathe to email him directly again. I'd like for this matter to be concluded so that I may have a peaceful, "dinisore"-less summer. Would a direct decree from his Princess of Darkness be enough to end this debacle?

Before we can try to end the shenanigans, Necron sends me this:

May 28th, 2002
i love you?
so satan god the werlds a crock of shit. fuck skool fuck society fuck it all,but yah, tonites the serimony and the rakkoon looks pretty rottin you shold be prowd. porblems abownd however prinsess fer one i can't impress ya with my gay ness.no man will take me,but i tried i even purchised make up. so fergive me gurl,and ya won't alk to me thats another porblem.what can i do to apeese ya,baby gurl.NECRON ROA,NCER OF DEATH

Unbeknownst to Necron, I am plotting with Jellyfish to end this:

The Battle?
Dear Satan,
Well, I don't know, but it seems to me that a direct decree might be most effective. I have not read Troll's or Succubus' correspondence with Josh at any great length; the former's I find frankly unreadable, and I wasn't aware that the latter was even holding discourse with him. I'm not saying that you all can't poke a little fun at him; god knows, it's a means of keeping sanity (and the constant accusation of heresy)around here. I know that he is not your "ward," I honestly had no idea who was talking to him and what you all were saying. I was under the impression that you were telling him directly to "be gay" or that Hitler was a big, hairy dodo bird-like monstrosity (Josh has no idea what a dodo bird was, let alone what one looked like, hence that egregious scrawling he's so proud of and has no doubt sent along to you), and, logically concluded that, as Josh's notions were getting weirder, so were your demands, and that you may have been emotionally manipulating him (promising that perhaps "Satan" would be his "Mistress" if he wrote her some hideous poetry, for example). Easily, you could have told him to drive off a cliff with all of the other Spooky Children in tow, and he would have done so without hesitation. I am sincerely apologetic for my uninformed notions, and how absurd it must be to be rebuked when HE was the one who began haranguing YOU and not the other way around. He finds you extremely attractive (and I feel monstrously caddish admitting to you that I, and every other member of the group, feel the same), and that alone secures your identity as the Princess of Darkness.
Your sincere sentiments regarding the matter gives me hope. Josh has an unusual, dubious combination of stubborn and receptive traits which make him extremely difficult to reason with. I have known Josh for only a year - he has no knowledge of Satanism or vampyrism or any tenet of occultism other than what he has gathered from his tenure as a Spooky Child and his preoccupation with Marilyn Manson.
(I am not a high school student, and have not been one since 1995, to clarify. My family moved to VA from Swindon, England in 1993, and, lamemting the ignorance of my American peers regarding any matters other than Gap clothing, masturbation and Madonna, I started an occult group at Handley).
To conclude, I appreciate your concern. I would like to see the excerpts from your correspondence with Josh that have made him so reactive. This will give me a better idea of how to chart our battle. Thank you, Ms. Satan.
Sincerely, Paul

I really, really like Jellyfish. Or maybe anyone would seem brilliant contrasted with Necron... I'm sure I sent him some info, but do not have the emails. Jellyfish, though, must act as a courier...

June 4th, 2002
A story?
Dear Satan,
I have had quite a busy weekend and don't recall if I had a chance to get back to you or not. I regret if I did not tell you what an excellent exegesis of the first chapter of Mein Kampf you prepared, and that I am infinetely apologetic that our friend Josh distorted your fine analogy.
I enjoyed the article on Marilyn Manson, of whom I am no fan. I admit to listening to heavy metal as a teenager, but am far more intrigued by New Age music these days, as there is none of the silly makeup and trite anti-societal rants by cocaine abusers in ripped spandex, but more of a ambient background which induces the listener not to follow whatever predisgested agenda presented by the record industry, interested in drawing in scads of rebellious, disinfranchised children, but to dig deeper into the recesses of his/her own mind through meditation and to draw, perhaps, unique conclusions.
Anyway, I thank you for your explanation. Josh's e-mail address has experienced some difficulty, so if you have not heard from him, it is not because he doesn't still obsess over the prinsess. I am very sorry. Here is something quite disturbing he just sent me. Apparently, your friend (sister?) Grey's story has inspired him to write his own:

"paul,look i finished the story of the maggits. since gray is wiritng a story and shes is satans friend maybee satan will like my story, cuz i spent a long time on it,yes as ya know, so pleese tell me if its evil enuff fer satan to read. god,it's been hard to woirte with all these gurl problems maybee i could go to yer house tonite i hate skool,anyway tell me what ya think.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH once upon a time there were a gurl and a boy,now bothj of them are not mortals and the boy is a vampyre. they were in love and enjoy the great pleasure of touching holding hands and espeshially kissing .but not just on lips kissing they kiss utelizing the tounges they have.so they wanted to strenthen there love so the boy says one day after skool and touching her soft barren flesh on her arm he says lets konsummate our love. and the gurl says kewl but what if you leeve me or get me pregnant or with aids. i would never do that says the boy and he gave her a kiss deep and hard so the gurl could not say no and ask other kwestiens of annoying doom.well,where will wehave sex the boy hassned to inkwire. fer he wanted to karess sweet virgin flesh with buring passion of hell. the gurl says my parents don't let me have sex do yers and he says well my mortzal gardians um i mean my parents don't but i know a perfect place its reely romantic and theres lots of flowers. the gurl got a tear in her eye and said oh, yer soooo good to ne i love ya will konsumate passiens with ya.and i like pretty clothes will there be pretty vlothes.well the boy said if i do some digging and he pattid his wallit even tho thats not the meaning of what he said .and the gurl says yer my hero. meet me at 8 and i will come down my stares in a pretty flwoing dress. so sure enuff he comes to the gurlks house at 8 and shes in long flowing dress of a virginal pink. flames in side the vampyre were higtened and even tho hes a vampyre he inserted his hand in his pokit if ya know what i meen.she was so beautiful like the most gentle butter fly or a bloomy rose and he wanted to peerse her neck like ripe sweet peech skin.but patiense, he informed himself. the nite is young. the full ,oon unjulated in the sky so britely it was a perfect nite. so he drives he to the grave yard and she says wait a minutewhere are we. lets walk says the boy,so the get out but beeing just a virgin she is skeered of all things and she klinged to the vampyre as the shadow lenthened.rite here, said the boy, get on the grownd and they kiss by the large tombstone. what they do not know is they awake the zomby korpse of the evil werm of doom.see, fer many years this worm was cast out by society.but it's revenge was just to be fer in many years it utilizeing nuclear fushion spawnned it's babys.the maggits of doon were then born and awated there revenge on the doomed planit of mortal scum. let me kiss yer neck says the vampyre, and he re moves the virgins dress and the virgin moened and gazed deeply into his eyes,only she noticed they'd changed that were red with yellow vampyre slits, and she skreemed as he peersed her sweet, soft neck vains with his ekstremely sharp retraktabel fangs and he skweezed her huge soft tits.some of the blood spilled into the grond the worm noticed it's sweet savery flaver, and with radeo active buzzing and humming of doom sent maggits to investigate.the maggits went and said vampyre yer a hairytick you didnt sakrifise the gurl to satan!!!so you and gurl will die,she is soyuled now. vampyre made esxcuses but the readoeactive maggits crawled in his flesh in pooris fashien,then the worm beeing desperate fucked the virginin he tight twat. the end"

Again, I'm very sorry. Take care, Paul

I still love you, Jellyfish.

Things are quiet for a long time, and I nearly think I'm rid of him. But no.

August 2, 2002
with love to the prinsess?
daer satan oh god its been so long and i've been missin ya,gurl ya don't know the throws the pain the hurtin. i so very much want to be the king of yer werld, the werld of the darkest evil and killer lizerds. so tell me my prinsess how are ya. i've been fwarted by not only great missiens that threaten the beeing of my immortal vampyre sowl but mortal gardians saying josh ya can't use computer.god i hate them always getting in satans plan, and that yer plan so kerse them to deepest throws of death. and i spent all summer,yes all summer long writing a story fer ya just like gray. well, mines called THE UNUSUAL GRAVE. it's much better, now hold on. i'm not saying gray's is bad i'm just saying mines' better, so accept that don't thiink i'm insalting yer frids. but many sakrifises are made in yer name, beeloved prinsess infernle feemale missionary of doom.a pretty gurl can walk any where just don't go by the tree in apple orcherd on the left ha ha. i love you and have a praer

SNAKE HEAD EATS THE DUST OF BLACK STORM
RISE FROM PITT OF BLACK SUBSTENCE THE SATAN FORM
DRIP BLOOD IN SERIES MOVE MENT DISINTIGRATE FLOOR
NECRON PEERSE THE FANG SATAN PULLS THE ROPE HANG NECK YER SORE
DUST CHERNS IN A ROLLIKING STOMACK KISS IT
YER LIPS MY SATAN ARE LIKE SILK I HOPE MY FINGERS FIT
YER SO HOT FEEL THE HEAT KILL THE HAIRYTICK BEE HOLD THE ROAR
KILLER DINISORES DESTROY ALL IN SITE UNDER MOON
DRINK MY JUICY FLUWIDS THE BLACK BLOOD DRIPS HOVER SOON
CHILDREN OF DEATH HOLD KNIFES FROM OPENING GRAVE LERCH KRUMBEL
LIFT YER KLAWS TEAR THE TENDER FLESH ON BONES THEY STUMBEL
WRAP INTESSTENS ON YER FLESH LIKE VIRGIN DRESS
DRINK BLOOD OH HARD VAMPYRE I WRITHE YER BODY I PRESS
TOGETHER THE UNAVERSE IS KONKERED BY DARK ZOMBYS IN SPACE SHIP
NECRON OFFERS SAKIRFISE OF ROSE TO VIRGIN I TOUCH HER SWEET HIP

well i think thats my best prare ever. i wrote it it took 2 howers. i think i'm perfekting the karft yer giving me yer dark doom powers oh satan i prase ya thank ya. MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says my prares are like million typewriter monkies or something. i don't remenber.well what ever, ha i was maybe full of to much wyne of doom.well my adress is diffrent becuase,well my old one broke or somthing.but look i hope ya got a chance to get to thinkin about you and me. so seriesly,what do ya think. i'm a gentle and evil vampyre with a heart of gold. i love ya always prinsess and will be by yer side form now on. NECRON ROMANCER OF SWEET PRINSESS SATAN

Too bad the million typewriter monkeys never turned up in his fanart.

August 4th, 2002
KREEP LAWN MOWER OF DOOM!!@11!!!!!!?
hi prinsess. a gurl who i persume to be virgile. so why aren't ya writin to this vampyre any way. anyway. so this has been hard on my vampyre mind waghing a burden on my immortal sowl. and so has the 4th dimenshun, my prinsess. some times there are just so many things fer a vampyre of ultra inteligense to waigh owt and think of. and i wonder. what if in a computer there are peple living, or more like doom spriits wandering. there is a lawn mower man who drives a evil doom filled lawn mower,well a sientist says come in lawn mower man. i will make you a man of grate inteligense.so he takes a pertikuler type of wire and insirts it into the pooris brane of the lawn mower man spesemen.all of a sudden the werld becomes like the werld of vidio games.this is the 4th dimenshun and the brane of the lawn mower man becomes highly radeo active and begins to speek and his hands grow knifes like a lobster. he can kontrol lawn mowers with his kreepy eye balls that floet and push it!!!@!! these are forses graet satan ya kontrol the forses of lawn mower doom!!@@oh god and the lawn mower man destroys the unaverse.see,the pwers of the 4th dimenshun are grate,now ask yerself how do ya get these kommanding powers or dark deep death.i've been werried fer days and all my immortal years, in fact, and beeing a vampyre computer programer in my dark other realm of the shadows i will diskover the 4th dimenshun.fer the prinsess i will koker and kontrol it i love ya. now wrote back say how ya doin gurl and hows gray and is adelak the trool dead. there is a serimony fer the no moon koming my prinsess but we can't go to dinisore land when theres toorists. i love ya.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

i am the dinsore king. and you will be my kween.

I am not entirely sure that's how that movie went...

August 5th, 2002
why gray?
dearest satan,how are ya my prinsess of love. now some thing is trobeling me,it's gray, why does she hate me and what is the reson. see, i know i'm not talked to gray in a long peried of doom,and why wo;ld gray hate this shrivleing vampyre of a hansome man. i even read her storys, yes all of them and i think, now gray, what is this about why are ya goin to that klover mala-cai man and teesing him like that why arent ya just going to relinkish yer virginity.see gray,satan is mine ya fdont have to stay pure fer me, tell gray that fer me, satan.besides i seen cai he's ugley eww so ugley god and he porbley fucks the succubis may bee the succubises tit are nice but kerrowisive so find another man he's ugley and cheeting with the succubis.any way prinsess ya don't have to read that but tell gray that's waht i have to say, so any way i been thinkin of ya today as the rain pours down and eats at my gangril flesh like tiny parisites. i wither in doom panes rak my gangil flesh peeling away. i love ya. god go away mportal gardins this my compuyter damhn ya go ways!@#1221!!NECRON ROAMCNER OF DEATH

i am the dinsore king. and you will be my kween.

Well, Necron wants Grey and Malachai to sleep together.... Oh, hell, I may as well spill it: I'm Grey, too. I made another journal under a nom de plume hoping to keep Necron at bay but still let me have somewhere to write online. I had to concoct the charade on the spur of the moment to throw him off my trail.

September 18th, 2002
Subject: FALL IN SKY SPOOKY DEATH I LOVE PRINSESS Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 12:33:41 -0800 satan,is this you. gray says this is yer address.now, idon't like that yer makin fun of me and i know thats just want grays sayin just to scare me but i know from yer posative responses at sermony alter yer not makin fun yer apeesed with yer sakirfises.thanks fer the deers. satan i think of you kontsntly, all the time yeh even in dark skool bilding.some times when teechers ' being stoopid i think of ya chant in yer name and some times stoopid teecher leeves the room,i think the teechers in great pane. thank you,misstress. no matter what gray or mala cai who fucks succubis or the greesy chip says ya respekt yer follwoers yah were keepin it reel.i am gratefull satan. let me wership you. its hard to rite with succbis looking,see shes not suposed to look but shes a stoopid succubis and well,no offense to yer frinds but she is and i know shes redin my lettrers to ysa so i hope ya get this letter so bad i don't want to talk toithe succubis any mroe but i know yer loving yer fez vampyres and i want a fez ha ha,god i'm talkin too much. fergive me,i'll shut up. i love ya. pleese write back,oh yeah homecomings coming do ya want to go may bee, i know you'll say no god yer too good fer this vamyre but i've got my fingers with retaktabel gangle fangs and claws krossed so may bee if adelar the polled trool is not in france may bee ya can go, what kind of tux may bee wblack with red velvit like my doom kape let me know. NECRON ROMANCER OF YER HEART

i am the king of dinisores. and you will be my kween.

I don't know if I replied. If I did, I'm sure I told him NO.

September 22nd, 2002
Subject: satan i'm sorry
ohsatan god the last emale was not fer ya i kliked yer name by missstake ohbsorry!@@@!!! dont show that to succubis or gray its my bank akkount number, oh shit.don't steel from me,even if ya dont want to go to homecoming. but you know every thing i do anyway so,god,how konfusing.now this is series bisniz.gray askes why i don't sroite,well let me tell ya the truth. the truth is i'm a very sensitive vampyre, i have alot of feelings inside.and it herts some times when yer misstress yah the one ya wership is mean and laffs. i sit in room cry scrape claws on dekaying wite skwirl belly and cry. i cry teers of terrenshal blood onto skwirl and it twiches and i take it owtside and mootilate it cuz whats the poynt if its alive and filed with werms,i ask what is the poynt. what is the poyntt if my blood will make it a VAMPYRE SKWIRL OF DOOM oh,satan why did ya give me vampyre powers if ya hate me. its such a kerse. and thje skwirl it bitted my hand with razewr sharp fangs, its gangril too,and i throw it in dads car.go away i can't keep ya with my two vampyre ratts,that's enuff.thatsall thatfit in kloset shoe slot my mortal gardian feemale neerly fownd the ratts when she tryed to kleen my room stoopid bich,she knows shes not alowd in there,it's a chmber of doom. the skunk is under mattriss she almpost fownd that and my new satanik bibel but i said i farted then loocked my door only i pissess the SAFETY PIN OF LOCK DOOM and can git back in chanber. i need to find new place fer water bloeted skunk. any way i cryed and cryed and did no home werk at all yah and i have repot due and MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says he wont help me this time,i'm doomed. you make me so sad like no other gurl can.all i need is a sweet gurl to hold in my muskuler arms.will ya let me at leest hold ya and touch yer beautifull hair i give any thing. lie in my bed with me satan i love ya i want to go to dance with ya we can even eat dinner in the grave yard yah. i thout it all owt well, its reely romantic.we will go in grave yard,i dont know what kind of moon it will be but i'll tell ya the nite before.any way.we willl go in grave yard, and you will wear beutiful black satan dress yer face covered in korspe paint and spyders of deathly kreep and krawl.we will git dinner from inside holes under grave stones, blackned korspes dekayed and rottid owt we will feest on the flesh of dead karve penta grams and hitler lines,whats those things called and skilitins and kross bones on korpses and i will likck yer fingers and put my tunge under yer klaws you'll skweel in deelite,don't werry, nothing like THE UNUSUEL GRAVE will happen, unless there is radeoaktive waste in grave yard in winchester. it's bee soo romantic. and then kovered in blood we'll kememse to the dance and dance nite away.i'll make the music player at dance play MARILYN DEATHSLAY DOOMKILL MANSUN even. it'll be perfect and if ya have better idea,and ya will kuz yer satan just tell me i do any thing fer you,gurl any thing at all. i love ya. full moon serimony was good the new spooky chidren are good. DEATH SLAY ANIMLE OF BLACK FOREST is espeshially good he franch kissed a rabbit korpse it was sooo funny but respektfull to satan, then we put doom booze on rabutt and berned it in flames uttering chant in yer name.i'm a prowd hi poreest but when i get home i cry cuz no matter what i give it never be good enuff at all. why are wimin, espeshailly satan, so hard to pleese. i can't afford a dimond, but if i kould i'd ghive it to ya.any thing ya ask prinsess it'll be yers.i'm a sad boy vampyre under stand that at leest before gray makes fun of me. and tell gray to stop. NECRON ROAMNCER OF DEATH oh yeah ps write back i luve ya.

i am the king of dinisores. and you will be my kween.

I'm so nice, I didn't send his bank account out to everyone in the world.

The Succubus sends him an article on the Onion. She then forwards me the fallout.

September 25th, 2002
Fwd: ZOMBY BRANES?
He sure does take The Onion seriously . . . o_O . . . and what's this about my giving passwords to Grey? *clasps own brain, which wants very badly to jump out and hop into the skull of a person not subjected to such inanity - or perhaps be zombie dinner, even* For the life of me . . .

From: "NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH"
Subject: ZOMBY BRANES
succubis ,so thats what zombys eat well, i'm sure that some of the sppoky children will binifit form the cutting ege reeserch.i don't eat branes because i'm not a zomby i'm a vampyre. don't fergit that succubis,well you stop giving inferma=shun to gray, too do ya hear me. i wold suck yer blood if it wasn't spoyuled with imperitys of doom.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

I think there may have been a few more emails, but after that all was quiet on the Neccy front...for a little over a year, anyway. Then...

October 3, 2003
Subject: SUDCCIUBIS HELL SLAWTER DOOM NO REPORT
so succubis,long time no see huh. yah well i haver porblem and i want satan to aser its bout matter of satan wership that ya dont comperhind cuz yer not satan well its bout restaning orders. any way ya cant have the paper why ya ask,well cleerly ya see its a kase of forgery if ya kopy my reoprt and turn it in to skewl.i know yer stoopid but have respekt succucis it is matter ya dont under stand. if ya dont under stand well yeer teechers will know and they say where ya get this hily respektible oriterashun on deep matters that intelligent peeple comperhind on vampyre dinidosore vcoodoo grimey doom stone rane do ya under stand. well of course not but yer not gettin dinsore vampyre repot that all matter.s but they mite be gients i like piktures there on the alter of hi sakirfise of doom any way this is bout satan but all i say is no yer not gettin report. NECRONE ROMANCER OF DEATH

As the Succubus says, "I . . . won't ask about the "restaning" orders . . . *shakes timorously*"

In a clear lapse of judgment, however, I bit the bullet.

October 4, 2003
Subject: Restraining Orders
What do you want to know about restraining orders?
~Satan, Princess of Darkness

October 5, 2003
Subject: Re: Restraining Orders
sartna prinsess its you ya beautifull gurl oh god satan you wrote and MOUNTED ON WLL DOOM JELLY FISH he said ya woudn't write yah he saiud that look whose hairytick now!!!@!!!!! and yer letter its not a restrsaning order ha ha whose looser now MOUNTED ON WQLLA DOON JELLY FISH!!!! HONER SATAN FEREVER DOOM IT IS YER FATE I LOVE PRINSESS KERDEL DOOM CHILD FORCE!!!and i thout i had to wroite to gray oh god what a hairytick vomit doom force skin rip paen!!!! but satan speeks to lowley vampyre who herts so bad for the prinsess herts wi9th mitey panres of heavy doom.satan speeks threw the darkness satan say come vampyre.vampyre of gangril pedagree lerks from grave of unerthed zomby who lerks skweels eats branes in darkness!!!!!@!rise then. says satan misstress of all eveil you speeek vto lowley spesemen of yer vampyre you rejekted me hert me i herdel in racks of doom pane and skreem yer name!!! eksalted is vampyre who skreem in satan name satan asners MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH staked in hairytick fate in pitt of doom loom erth. satan speek vampyre listen. satan kommand doom battle vampyre fite battle thats the way it is. and MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JHELLY FISH ew deklare enimy.satan ya rased kwestien of doiom i torterd with!@@!! my kwestien is well is see svcubbis places like store of animles and cat kage,i say MNOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH it is succubis and succbuis is harityck that needs killing well MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says no i zay well i just takk to succubis. MOUNTED OMN WALL DOOM JELLY FDISH says no josh ya cant talk to succubis she get restaning order against ya well. that is life of evil krimilnel and satan likes smmoth evil kriminels krminels are evil and satan is evil well MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says aktually restaning orders are hily kristien the bible says show temprense and restrants what i say yah MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says and if satan sees you witb DOOM MARK RESTRAINING ORDER she rejekt ya!!!!!@ she already rejekt me cuz i did not sakirfise 100 virgins like ya said there are not that many virgins ha ha freshman at skeewl.and i trying.MOUNTEE ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says but if you mark with kristein mark satan will not assept yer service peried@!!!it is trapp but see satan thgis is konfusing cuz kriminels are evil restraning orders are for krimnel. MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says no ya will be krossadeer. viktim knows ya by glowing kross satan see kross and rejekt ya. well i will wtiher too no grangril wioth retaktible fang kaws loyn skin of doom on cock as speshul kape to protekt will live with glowing radeoaktive kross. so i get retsing order wither and go to hell but thats evil!!!!!and i be with the prinsess in love ferever we love stroke doom chold kiss firey hott pronsess!!!@!!so i am konfused if i get kross is that evil cuz i wither die go to hell with prionsess and ya anser my prare!@!@!!!!shold i get restrning order and do ya sekretly want me to kill succubis so they give restraing order and we live ferever is dark love.pleese anser fer i yer vampyre an konfused. yer amnsewr says ya love me so i must be rite poronsess i will die but i dont want to die with kross make me die with virgin flesh not kross@!!! i will sakirfise what ya want gess what on no moon we give hole satan deer called buck. buck has horns of doom we berned hole buck fer ya maybe thats why ya write!@!!!!!!!!!!on shpores of swamp we paryed to satan chant march with new sppojy children thay chant yer name!!iv apotwned new sppoky children death mask march FIRE SWAMP HEX MONSTER OF STYX,DARK MAGICIAN OF VIRTUA DOOM CHAOS, MASK TRYRANOSAURUS OF NAPELEON GUILLOTINE COURT god how do peeple speel that STONEY NEEDLE BEEST OF KILLER OF MALA CAI, FOREST BOAR OF BLOODY TUSK SHALLOW DOOM GRAVE yes satan they are yer new servents bow doen some spooky children are collige chidren like GERRILLA OF PENTAGRAM SWAMP and LD 50 DOSE OF DOOM but they visit and so does GRAIN MAGGOT OF EUPHRATES DOOM BANKS fer very im[portent serimony of new sppoky children solders fer satan and we wership around berning horny deer buck konsume flesh i sproikel with booze.well there was boy and gurl having sexuel relashuns in car that parked by swamp but we skeered them good with doom chant and tiranno ordinatays@@!!!!that ewill skeer any stoopid mortal who dares to be satans flesh child. and i have skwirl gofer and 2 hole rabbuts withj black cat and manygoldfish fer you at FULL MOON SERIMONY yes satan ya will be pleesed and i will wroite ya new parare i love ya and cant wait i will proove me to ya ferevermore write back to servent vampoyre i am not werthy i love yiou so miuch NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

Unfortunately, I don't have my response, if anything, to this massively orgiastic screed. I'm sure I told him not to kill the Succubus, if I replied. Yeesh!

December 14, 2003
Subject: SPYDER WEB TRAPP CATCH TERRERISH SATAN VIKTERY!@!!!!
deer satan, look. its me agin but i donty know if i shold rite or wahyterver. well, MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says i cant rite. but ya know its pillit to rite thank ya notes,so i do it unless its reely evil. but ya will appreshiate it cuz this is grave matter of doom and if i thank ya fer somet thign thats eveil thats good .yah.,well terreist sadam hoosan is fownd owt in sneeky sp[yder web ya terned him in to spyder!!@!@!! onley satan cold do feet of doom grateness likje tern terrist into spyder whos yer daddy stoopid sadam!!@!what kind of spyder is it cuz that wolf be good at SERIMONY OF XXXMAS DOOM.xxx ha ha ha.i will give ya speyders!@!!theres alot in the base mint.now camn ya tern gray succbus into spyder ha ha or maybee just mala cai. why does gray let mala cai gusssh blood and intestin on gray and stioll have sexual relashumwith him.she sqawsh him like stoopid spyder ha ah.ha ah maan,yah well its ben a long time and i miss ya yer pretty gurl beautifull face.a vampyre face terrer every day and gorge bush is fiteing terrer but there so manny EYEBALLLN EYE BALL DOOMgohsts and spyders and jeezis to kill, and even there are still dinisores. how will he do it all.well,at leest theres sadam. and hitler,whaen will they kill hitler. in soshul studeysklass, teechers says hitlers is dead after werld war 2, but i say no. they think hes ded but hitler is a byrd. see rowsebelt is stoopid when he terned hitler into byrd. ya got to fly to catch the byrd but bush is smrt cuz ya can skwash teh spyder. thats the big dawgg way thats the amerikan way.whos yer daddy.bush is smrat cuz hes amerikan and im the amerikan vampyre.i rite repot on this soom,nad prinseess can i use yer papre fer it. i know ya gaver it to vampyre to use but i never have chance. so rtell me rite awaaay.fergive me fer not forgin yer paper i know thats the evil thing too do. make me evil!!!i have some ratts from a month ago god ha ha well GRAIN MAGGOT OF EUPHARTES DOOM BANS visut also GERRILLA OF PENTAGRAM SWAP visit fer hallw ween serimony. ok so there this bif=g hole deer dead on side of the road. its perfect fer satn still wam from beeing dead its almost a live not even maggits or green golly flys or dryed up blood yet thats the sign ya bagged a good deere fer suckin on burnin on fer satan to fulfill fluwids of vampyre doom whens theres not a virgin.well we skoop up the deer but ha ha man,were drunk cuz of seegrams doom booze to honer ya,but those sttoped sppoky cihdern kept droppin the deer!!!@ so i gess the devient hairytick spooky chidern was lowd cuz some body busted teh piggs on us man ha ha not pigs likle pork chopp.i bern ya a pork chopp at red hott adn blue once remeber gurl?>>? i kant beleeve that a pork chopp is reely a pig but the teecher says so. but theres diffrent pigs kalled teh kops.pork kops ha ha ah like donuts die fat sttopid pork kops@!@!!!!! i am the anarkist,i am the anti krist anarkie in teh uk yah die posers!!!! amerika rules. anrkist is teh same thing as anti krist and thats me,i hate those pork kops!!!!@ha ha well some stoopid pl;ankton mortal kalled th pigs thats reely the pork kops ha ha abd so the krooser comes and we try to git away!!!but the kop is like what ya doin with teh deer,boys.and that flash lite in my eyes!!!!!1well i bare my shrp retaktabel gangril fangs and klaws at kop and i wold tell him i will suckj yer blood fer satan stoopid pork kop and ya can lick my gangril anise but MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH kicks me!@!!!and he givbres everyone glare to shut up says im sorry sir but im boy skowt troop matre.and there halloween party to go to but this derr,in road and its safe to pick up dead deer im sorry it good deep bla bla well some thin like taht,so kops like yah well what you dressed as boy and paul said oh ha ha well were klowns.my darter is skeeerd of teh klowns!@!!says kop but he lets us go. well once MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH is drivin in van i jump on MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISAH NECK and start to bite it!!!what the hell josh git of mee says the hairytick MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM HELLYTFISH. WELL IS SAID. THATS MY 1 CHANCE AND YA RUWINED IT!@!!i kold be smoth kriminle and ya made me boy skowt. ya lyed and said that were klowns, yah stoopid klowns when were reely a koven of vampyres wear wolfs gools and voo doo spooks. i kold go to jayul and satan wold love me@!@!!look josh if ya wantid to go to jayul ya had pliny of opertoonitys,but ya know what. ya run away and ask me to kover yer ass,like when ya ran away at dinisore land or ya stole the lawn ornimints and pore yer yer dads licker on church grave yards or ya tryed to suck the animles in front of kustomers and tell them about hitler and aborshun, or ya spray me with raid and steel my ex gurl sweter, ya kold git fierd but ya dont and not even fer satan!!!so dont give me this shitt bla bla like god.he is suuuuuuch a hairytick!!!so i skreem and hitt him reely hard skrach him fer ya and in yer name and do ya know what he does to HI PREEST OF DARK SATAN DOOM BLOOD THRONE. he trhow mne in the roed and leeve me ther rite by my doom plase of imploymint in my korspsepaint oh god!!!!@!!satan i miss serimony fer this. ya kant stand fer this misstreetmint at the hand off lowley filosifer!!!!only NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH is the pwerfull blood thristy vampyre who uttres doom chants from bibel of satan and TIRANO ORDINATAYS, AGNUSS ORDERMICUM SATANICUSS ,CHANT OF WAXY DEAD DINISOPRE nad DOOM PRARES and MIRILYN MANSUN CHANT THEY MITE BE GIENTS CHANT COLD PLAY CHANT.well i was sranded so i kall mortal gardians stoopid skum but then i remeber korpsepaintso i start to go to tar gatt to wash korpsopaint but its klosed and mortal gardiands gett reely madd and besides that my repot kard,see i thout i had strait a's not gay a's ha habaha but i didnt@@!!! god sttopiod teechers bern in hell and suck a rottin ratt korpose with bleedin gore maggits.i was grownded, satan is that evil enuff. is that evil enuff fer ya, i koundt leeve the howse that pissis me of but at leest i will have krist mass serimony all these animles there are soooooosaooo many deers on the road@@!!!! i dont have any in roomcuz my mortal gardians are suspishus but theres some ratts in my room and i gott rakkoon in the shed and if ya mneed any more im at yer servise!@!!!but they all hiber natre so it hard but i get a few fer satan on shore of dark doom raod.i love ya and all i ever do is thjink about ya. in skool ya keep teh doom kreeks away at leestr untill teecher give f. but even then ya save my sowl from mortal evil.i am torterd with this secrete of immortality and i am powerfull gangril at nite but at day i have to be mortal satan save me!!@@! only ya can save me and my brane will gro and take over the werld with power. together we save virtua reality and NECREN ROMANCER OF DETH and SATAN will rule the werld. we will be smooth krinimile partners in krime!!!!@parteners in slime ha ha animles get slimey in teh rane.i love ya and wish fer yer face and yer hare,the towch of yer skin and yer fingers in me.i love ya but pleese write back. ya catched sadam i love ya@!@! iwill give ya serimony even in the sno even tho i hate snoNECRON ROMNCER OF CDETAH

This is so long and mind-bending I will paraphrase for you. He is writing because it's polite to write thank you notes, and he's a polite vampire. I was thanked for finding Sadam Hussain. He will sacrifice spiders to me in gratitude. Then, he wants me to turn Grey and the Succubus into spiders. He's perturbed about my story, apparently one partwhere Grey was greviously injured, and why Malachai would still be interested in her. *shrugs*

He still insists in school that Hitler is alive because he's a dodo bird. He wants to use my paper that started this "Hitler is a bird" meme. Then he relates a Halloween visit by one of the emeritus Spooky Children. There were shenanigans about fetching a deer whilst drunk. Then he reminds me he sacrifised me a pork chop once. Back on to the deer shenanigans, a cop stops them and Jellyfish covers it that theyare a boyscout troop. Then Necron and Jellyfish have an altercation in the Spooky Children van because Neccy wanted to be arrested to prove he's a smooth criminal. Another Spooky Kid tosses him out of the van and they leave him on the side of the road. HE calls his parents to pick him up, and he gets into trouble with them because his grades are in the shitter. But, he loves me so much he's going to have a ceremony in the snow, even though he hates it.

Ow, my head hurts from all that translating. Apparently I replied, but I do not have it. Neccy writes back in an ecstacy:

December 15, 2003
Subject: LOVE SATAN LOVE DOOM KILL GRAVIL VAMPYRE LOVE
satan its you!@! yer writin god i cant beleeve its reely my prinsess!!!!and ya want me to rite all the time,wow well i have to say as a vampyre who loves yer beauty and yer booty ha ha ha its the besyt day of my immortal life. theres this pikture of the arther of a book and he looks gay ha ha but yer bringing me cherfullness satan so ya love me i passd yer test,well theres no dowt i cold cuz i am the strongest musskuller gangril vampyre ya gott and fer my beautyfull gurl i do all task of grave doom impoertence in mortal koil.and owt of koill it doesn't matt ter.i kold lift ya in to bed of koffin and pleese ya.but ya have to tell me where ya live@!@!!ha ha i know its hell but where is hell so i can git to it.well i asked preest even when sttopred mortwal gfardians make NECRON ROMACNER OF DEATH go to cherch i say preest how ya get to hell and preest says well ya can rejekt god and jeezis or ya can denny immortal sowls so i say well i beleeve in immortal sowls is that bad?>?????i mean good satan will that take me to heaven.but i hate jeezis and akording to preest theres limbo and pergatory.dont get me there!!!!@i need to visit ya kwick so tell me how to go to hell kwick cuz i wondered well i dont know well prom is a good place to kerupt mortal sowls and drink virgin blood we can do that maybee satan.yer so prettyy!!!!!!!@!!i love ya and ya love me, satan my blood kerls fer ya and gess what i sucked dead gold fish blood fer ya.i perfer mammels but its all i cold get winter sucks smelly gold fish ass ha ha.if i have yer love i never need to suck animles agin i have all virgins and satanb.oi love ya and will give ya every thing i kill anything fer yer hiness!!!!pleese go to prom with me oh yah do ya still date terrerist stoopid troll well i cold kill polled troll fer ya@!!!!go to pro,m with me i promise we wont dance to jello or seleen deeon.bloody kisses NECRON ROMACER OF DEATH

. . . I'm pretty sure whatever I wrote was actually not encouraging him that I loved him. Pretty sure. O_O I remembered to save my reply this time:

December 16, 2003
Subject: Re: LOVE SATAN LOVE DOOM KILL GRAVIL VAMPYRE LOVE
Faustus:
Where are you damned?
Mephistophilis:
In hell.
Faustus:
How comes it then that thou art out of hell?
Mephistophilis:
Why this is hell, nor am I out of it.
Thinkst thou that I who saw the face of God,
And tasted the eternal joys of heaven,
Am not tormented with ten thousand hells,
In being deprived of everlasting bliss?

"Is this the region, this the soil, the clime,"
Said then the lost Archangel, "this the seat
That we must change for Heaven?--this mournful gloom
For that celestial light? Be it so, since he
Who now is sovereign can dispose and bid
What shall be right: farthest from him is best
Whom reason hath equalled, force hath made supreme
Above his equals. Farewell, happy fields,
Where joy for ever dwells! Hail, horrors! hail,
Infernal world! and thou, profoundest Hell,
Receive thy new possessor--one who brings
A mind not to be changed by place or time.
The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven."

I'm afraid I don't hire myself out to attend high school dances.
~Satan, Princess of Darkness

If there were further missives, I do not have them now. But, he's Necron, and just when you think he's gone, he pops back up with one last salvo!

June 22, 2004
Subject: BEAUTIFULL PRINSESS HARK VAMPYRE SPEEK LOVE PRINSESS BURN INFEDEL SADAM
deer satan its me NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH yer loyul vampyre and subjekt its a long time sinse i write to show my grate love fer ya!!!@!!but look satanmn i cant help it alway see MOUNTED ON WALL DOON JELLY FISH says i cant werte at al@!@!! even tho ya wrfte back to me!!!!oh satan i love yer letter ya love me i think as i read letter but as i say MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH says i cant write or else grate kurse of doom fall on head of lowley vampyre and i cant have more bad kusesse no sers ha ha ha. he say ya want more serimonys but no emials i have to be pashent and ya show yer sines fron HELL DOOM PIT that ya love me!@!!!! and im not pashent fergive me prinsess!!!!!but i had to say some things first the last serimony when i am DOOM HI PREEST OF SATAN WERSHIP SPOOKLY CHIDLREN. no moon saterdaye we wership with grate honers to her royul hineess!!!!satan ya receeved many aminlel,s the succubius write me letter long time ago and i deleete doom soyul thinf@@!!!! but subbcis says theres aminles in west viginia and fer once in succuis stoopid life succubis is rite theres lots of aminlkes!!@@i got 2 hole deers and lpots of possims hole skwirl grate kwantity sickadas and fox!!@!!we stand round fire and chant.TIRRANO ORDINATAYS DOOM INKANTSHUN AND KURSE OF ROCKY SOYUL.sporkiel doom booze on deers MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JEELY FISH got doom booze of peech snaps boons and corona dinisore it's all fer yer honer!!@but there is new hi preest next skool yeer lowley sofomore INTESTINE SHAPE ROCK OF SICKADA THROTE SWAMP and i sa9idb if he dont honer satan i kill him!!@!! he is a vampyre of kamarilla zomby blood very strong!!!and will werk in yer honer but i beeing gangril vampyre of hi superier intelligeense body stregth kan dominte and even when i reetyre to transulvania i kan deestrpy beleeve me satan ya dont want to fuck him.oh yah i have to say do ya get news papers.well in news paer of few weeks ago theres news paper year book of piktures of stodents well my pikture as mortal is in it but thats not me!!@!!remener this is meerly flesh disgise of mortal koyul kloak of mortality!!!!i have to look like fat puggy boy well not fat any more even mortal exteerier is full of mussels now its old pikture. dont fergit im strong with big mussels 8 feet tall and needel shaprp retaktabel fangsa klaws and a big cock koyuled!@@!!!!but as underkover vampyre i must reesembel human boy.i reetern to transuvania hi spike black spyur kassel of doom even tho skool beg me not to i get 1600 on sat's harverd prinse tin and yale all fitin over me!!!@!see i tell mortal gardians that they still take komputer stoopid mortals i kill them cuz to mortal is ton die!@!!but humbel duty takes me to transulvania and gohsts of the dammed and satan saevrice. satan since ya are mater fee male and i am no loger in mortal servse as hi skool boy i ask kwestien.will ya grase yer presense in my kassel of doom and marry me. cuz satan i spend my life fer ya doie for ya even not talk to ya fer ya i met oter gurls but thets not the same as satan!@!!!the gurls are just sakrifises.pllese live in transulvania with me i give any tihnhg and MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH cant stop me cuz i dont need his filosifer servises any more im not hi preest starting full froot and barley moon august 29 2004.then i kan take ya to kassel but satan ya must tell me ya want to leeve hell for me i know its alot to ask but i love ya gurl and my kassels hily reesembels hell so ya will be hily komfortable kurl in dark wermy koffin with yer vampyre NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH i have many deekayed animles and werms in my koffin to love ya with ya will see kleerly my love fer ya. well i tryed to write parare fer ya i dont know i can rime im not stoopid just i cant fokis if ya know what i saying ahha ha

DREEM OF PROINSES FLOW HARE LITE LOVELY
FROM HELL FIRE BURN GOHST MILLIEN FLAMES
DINISORE RORE INJUSTISE PASSED
REVENGE IS MINE SAYS DINISOR
STRONG PRESIDINT RISE WITH HELL POWER FLAME
EET ROOT SADAM@!@!! KILL TATER OF WAR
SATAN VAMPIRE ALIENSE OF DOOM
UFO SPIN PUT PROBE ON SADAMS FAT ASS
BATTEL WIN IN SWEET FIRE LOVE SATAN KEMMASE

i'll write better prare later i love ya NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH ps give me anserr prinsess!!!!!!!@!!

And with Necron's retirement from the Spooky Children as High Priest, thus ends his nattering to me.

If it's not abundantly clear, I am not living in Transylvania with him. He has not sacrifised the Succubus, or Troll, and as far as I know James was not consumed by vampires, either. Grey, as a fictional character, is also 100% okay.