Necron likes to reply to spam and include me on it. I have no idea why.

May 6th, 2002 Re: Check This Out!!?
To: jenifer@lycos.com; ladyphoenix9@hotmail.com
hey gurls well got yer letter. well let me say somethin i got a hot gurl already. yeah satan herself prinsess of doom darkness and dinisores, yes dinisores originel vampyres,god i'm sooo prowd. i go to party well when ya say hot do ya mean you suck blood and get naked,well i do alot of that beeing a gangril vampyre.any way i'm having problem of doom thatv keeps me up yes i wander in shadows of moon free immortal realm.well dinsore land be bommmbed by gray look i cant consentrate not even on virgins are ya a virgin.and stoopid succubis wants cheese well shove it up yers succubis.god goet cheese shove it gray damn i can't consentrate but i click on yer link if ya insist but if yer spam and you lie well i utter doom kerse. and doom kerse is series bizness yes it cause doom@!!@ NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

>From: Jeniffer
>To: Undisclosed Recipients
>Subject: Check This Out!!
>Hello !
>My name is Jennifer, and my friends are Stephanie and Sara! We all three host intmate parties and have fun every night and day!
>We are always looking for new friends that like to party. We all have webcams and show off either individaully or, if the party is hot, we all
>get together and have FUN, if you know what i mean!
>This is something new and different, since we do this for fun and pure entertainment. Nobody will ask you for credit cards or crazy stuff like that, really!
>You have everything in your hands, and you can come see us anytime, fun is always there!
>Feel free to download the friendly-user software and you will see how easy it is to chat and watch us all the time! And that is FREE!
>http://sexcity.by.ru/
>Thank you!
>We send this email in order to meet new people. It is not SPAM and it has no commercial purpose whatsoever.
>We thank you for your understanding and we would be pleased if you would come say hi!
>If by any chance these types of emails bother you, we encourage that you unsubscribe from our list and you will never have to worry about it.

May 7th, 2002
DIE NCRTON IN NAME OIF PRISNCESS I WILL DIE?
satan its time we have series talk bout us and yer priaritys.look i got letter fornm succbes she say sakirfise cheese well, theres no way i do that.see yer the only gurl i love and i will onley make sakirfises of doom in yer name not name of succubis.but look yer at apple bloosees perafe and ya see me oh satan god satan yer torterin me my god look i'd give my immortal life just to see you why do ya do this to me oh why oh my body shakes in pane!!!!!!ya shold talk to me and if yer thinkin i'm a screwed up loser well,hurt me deestroy me but as long as its in yer name god i've been stoopid and i don't deserve this vampyre body oh, but what a kerse immortal realm is when satan,the one who spawned you rejekts you oh why why what did i do and why is grey bombing dinisore land god i'll kjust end it all and ya know i got to go to skool god life sucks soo badNECRON ROAMCNER OF DEATH

I feel so much better after that chat. I feel so much better, in fact, that I send it on to Troll, who comments, "I still can't help but wonder how somebody who claims to be immortal can threaten to commit suicide..."

May 8th, 2002
OPEN KAGE RELEESE HAIRYTICK INTO DOOM BURN FLAME?
satan, now i have a kwestien.why do ya show yer lettres of doom from me to gray. look gray is not on yer side. yer just fewling her fire,and yah, she tells you she wont bomb dinisore land, well thats not true. she said shes a terrerist a french one,and terrerists bomb things often. oh so ya saw me on tv well lewt me asshure ya that my gangril body dosn't look like my guise of mortal flesh yah its all a dissguise.see i have to look like my mortal gardians so hairyticks with doom plan doon noshuns dont reek havek with my plan fer satan, prinsess of lovlyness. my time in amerika is a mission ya sent me on from transulvania where i dwell fer 650 years before dinisore pod of doom spawn NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH to amerika land of free dom and konstuishun. but did ya think i was hot.but if i was knowin yyou see me well, i would look like a vampyre for ya,well maybee not since its a secret thats undisklosed, but i would take a shower .beeing a vampyre mortal rituels are forein to me.but i take showers well some times ,anyway well i love ya.oh theres a reason i write this oh yeah,whos onni samma gray keeps talkin bout him. hes destroyin gray, well is he a hairytick shold i destry him and chiupo whos he well hes weith succubis i woldn't trust yer advisers. if ya need trustwerthy advisers konsalt the spooky children we're always at yer service. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

Grey likes it. In fact, everyone I know like to read your letters. As I note in horror to the rest of the Horde, "Oh, Christ! He's like Chip! He doesn't bathe regularly!"

Necron takes a break, but of course he can't stay away forever...:

May 18th, 2002
i'm sorry?
satan,so its been a while.well its been very difficilt fer me in times of recent well theres dinitopia and me and spooky chidren watched the hole thing yah well skool werk is in neglekt i fayuled 2 tests but reely it was reely werth it. its bout dinisores and peple living and workingtogether and harminy in the werld series of love. which gives us vampyres beeing desindints of dinisores hope the some day society will be satanik cuz yer a dinisore vampyre kween beeing the prinsess of darkness well i think so. so yah its good thanks fer making peple under stand. and dinisores drink booze to satan. well speeking of booze of doom porm is tonite yes prom dance of doom gess i have to perpare god i shold ask ya go to prom oh its to late. not to menshun gray. well she gos to dinisore land and takes pictures god and sloth is an enimy!!!! well where we make sakirfises to ya is none of gray bizness.so gray was there, huh.last nite i see succubis at brewbakers ewww,well it looked like succubis in picture you show with old blad man old black hair lady and ugley boy with black hair. but dont say i see her i run to hide. that boys shes with is it oni samma well hes reeely ugley and short and greesy. ewwww why does gray loike him well maybee its not succubis i bets shes a leznb=bean ha ha.mybe its gray. oh well so grays mad at troll well ya like gray so will ya break up with troll. pleese do prinsess NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

I'm sure the Succubus had something to say about this. Sadly, I do not seem to have it. Woe!

Here we have something interesting...Neccy gets his picture in the paper on prom night while he's at the YMCA or such. We all pass around the picture and giggle at him. Troll tries to engage in conversation:

May 20th, 2002
Pictures...?
Josh,
Well, my dear boy, I've not heard from you in some time. I'm guessing you've merely been busy with prom and such. Saw you in the paper today. My lady pointed the picture out to me. We were cuddling on the couch at the time. I must say, the red sweatshirt was not what I would expect a vampire to wear. Hell, compared to me, you almost look innocent! Are you sure you're a vampire? Father actually laughed when I showed him the picture. Of course, Father laughs at some of the oddest things.
Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know, I now know what you look like. Maybe not well, but I've a friend that has a picture of you and another friend of mine. I may ask to see it, get a more clarified image in me head. Well, I have to scat now. I love being able to spend all my time with my Lady now. Oh, how I have missed her physical presence. To now be able to touch her, feel her smooth skin, and flowing hair... is like touching heaven itself.
Taa, taa,
-Adelar

Necron replies with much handwaving:

May 23rd, 2002
HANGING DANLES YER TOES EATEN BY PIRANNA CHEW SKIN?
poll troll now yah its been a while of doom but the picture. oh to many prblems the picture is that in france newspaper. oh god i'm in france newspaper and look, i'm a vampyre but a man vampyre and my prom date yah the doom virgin i got her to be friends agin my date, well yer thinkin i'm goin to prom in bat wings and kape red vampyre slit eyes look i wold however too many secrets of doom are at steak so i must look mortal besides i'm an expert at the karft of the virgin.and virgins are sudused by mortal looking vampyres who bare and peerse with fangs onley when in sercert locashun.or math class god don't get mestarted hariytick .only clue is,we're reely good kissers ha ha neck flesh. but yah virgins need to be sedused with things like gurl movies, skool dances flowers,braselits, butter flys and bow kays of toolips i'm not stoopid.i even went seperate form fellow spooky children membres nbecause when drunk all secrets are gone,well lets justsay its tempting to do serimony and serimony will not kemmense without hi preest thats me, NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH doom korspe rise rotten flesh peel reveel stray eye ball of twich. and gray says my prom date throws up on her well gray you deserve it i throwed up on MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH once, and a dead possum cuz god it smelled bad but sakirfise is sakirfise.and apple blosson fiasko when GRAIN MAGGOT OF EUPHRATES DOOM BANKS lost his weed and killer klowns stole it i won t get into that but we spent all nite out side doom haunted house of zomby gore next to food lien and waited fer killer klowns to leeve so he could get weed back. god what an idiet, and of kourse the klowns stole the weed. then i see succubis at prom ewww and with onni samma or is it cai now. goods can't keep these peeple strait any way well shes with cai at brewbakers and eating swampy cheese dip.now succubis likes cheese so i knew its her and made mortal gardians sit inside so succubis couldn't see me but i have to rekord notes of doom and diskover secrets about satan army fer progress on evil battle feelds of doom to be made.well succubis has big toits not as hott as satans but god between us i wnated to touch her tits even tho her flesh is kerrowsive and berns the touch of vampyres, diskusting ugley gurl.so not much progreeess made and at prom ewwwwww shes dressed like a demon hore what i reeely want to see is satan. pleeese send me pictures of satan pleese.god burn is korsep.NECRON ROAMCNER OF DEATH

He also sends this to me:

i think i under stand?
dear prinsess, well it's me again, but right as i finish writin letter i realize yer not a lezbean, see, i remember that yer dating trool, god think of how sad troll wold be. so tell me whos gray,now its time fer dinner i'll sakirfise you some i promise i think we're doing barbie kew ha ha maybe i'll barbie kew a skwirl to ya theres a dead one under porch. never fergit how beatyfull you are to me and that virgin means nothin to me shes just a sairfise to ya. yer my onley true love.NECRON ROAMNCER OF DEATH

Troll replies to Necron:

May 24th, 2002
Re: HANGING DANLES YER TOES EATEN BY PIRANNA CHEW SKIN
Josh,
Right, they get the Funchester Star in France. Why in hell would I be in France? Have you ever been there? I hate the place. Paris especially. I mean, it's awful, and so are the people! I'd much prefer to be in England, but, right now I don't have much choice. So, I'm spending another summer back with Father. He's pretty cool about it all. Luckily, and my lady get along rather well. In fact she's informed me that I've inherited his good looks. He of course, loves the fact that my woman thinks he's cute.
Ah, prom. Now that brings back memories. My lady and I went together, but not as a couple. We were both dating different people at the time. We were both pretty miserable, but not any more. At the time we were both dating total pricks. My date was a total asshole, and didn't want to leave after I got sick off the punch. He was a real shit. My lady's date wasn't much better. But her and I together.... well, we fit. Like both sides of the coin. Without the other, we're incomplete.
My lady is my sunshine. She is my night, and my day. Compared to her, that bloke I was dating in high school looks like a gargoyle. I'm so glad I dumped him and gathered the courage to ask my Lady out. It's a hard thing to do when you've been friends since child hood. Of course, it was a little easier when she told me that she thought one of our best friends was cute. It was nice to realize we were so alike. Two halves of the coin. She's so wonderfully perfect. I'm happy that I can be with her again. I love holding her, and just chatting with her for hours.
Of course, that could be another reason Father really likes my lady, cause she's a she. He's always accepted me no matter what, but when I told him that my lady and I were dating... he was so fuckin happy, we went out and got pissed, his treat. He said mother would have been proud. I think he was right. Mother and my lady would have gotten along so well. I wish they could have met. Sorry... well, I have to run. I have a date with my lady, and I would never keep her waiting. Off to have smoochies with my luv!
Taa, taa
-Adelar the Troll

Necron has enough reading comprehension to be righteously indignant and sends this to me:

Subject: i'm disterbed?
prinsess look io busted troll hes gay!!!@@@@@
well adeler troll who knows winchester star is not reely importent news paper i gess but every one in wonchester reads it so who knows.and france oh thats right grays says yer from othhr cuntry like britin.which i think is the same as england. yah the mortal gardians were like oh thats so cute and i say shut up its ball tron of doom. and they say no its cute yer gittin along with gurls yer growing up and i say look i''ve lived fer 666 years,seen my share of virgins there all the same but ha ha i love them all oh plite of a immortal vampyre. but i don't actually say that to mortal gardians cuz that give away secret of doom. so yah but yer letter disterbs me becuz yer talkin bout datin boys. But troll, yer a boy why are ya dating boys thats wrong. ewwwww polled troll thats bad. i think i'll tell the prinsess. she will not enjoy that.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

Troll handles this one:

May 25th, 2002
Re: i'm disterbed?
Josh,
Go ahead, tell her I dated a young man for a while. I have news from you dear friend, she was my best friend before we started dating. I might point out, she did go to prom with my ex and I. She already knows that I found males attractive during high school. Just like I know that she finds one of our best friends, a female, attractive. Like different sides of the same coins, my lady and I fit. We are so alike, yet so different. Do you have any idea how much fun it is to be able to debate over who is cute and who isn't with your significant other? It's wonderful, because we can show each other new things to notice!
Really Josh, you focus on the least significant things. The past is the past. Yes, I once dated a boy. Now I'm with my lady. Everyone is entittled to a little bit of experimentation. Besides, a famous Doctor once said that no single person is completely homosexual, or completely heterosexual. There are just varying degrees. I've found what I want in my lady. I'm not letting her go. I have every intention of loving, guarding, and protecting her till the day I die, and longer if she lives longer than I. Her happiness is the most important thing in the world to me, though I do occassionally piss her off on purpose, but that is simply because she is so damn beautiful when she is angry. Like a flaming sunset...
Gray's right, I do spend most of my year in England. I was born in England. My mother stayed there when Father and I moved to the states. I used to spend summers with Mother. Then... well then it was a while before I could bring myself to go back. Now I spend summers here in the states, and whenever else I can, because I have two very important reasons to come back. My lady, and Father. The three of us have great fun together... Well, I have to run, I stayed up late visiting with my lady, and now I have to get ready to dash off to work, but she was well worth staying up.... I'd stay with her forever if I could, but her mother wouldn't let me.... at least she likes me.... even let's me call her 'mum' which is nice. Probably cause she knew me before I decided I was looking on the wrong side of the fence.
Taaa, taaa,
Adelar Troll

The news is shocking for Necron, and he sends me a flurry of emails:

all fer you?
satan now i've got shocking news from the pool troll and he says ya know already that hes likin boys. now thats evil i decided and hitlers gay. one time i kissed DOOM WORM OF ISHMAEL on band trip but it didn't meen any thing but practise. well maybe it did prinsess see how evil i kissed a boy wear wolf. and much blood saliva of doom passed in owr mowths. what if i go farther i' still thhink its gross and i like gurls but fer you i'll ask MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH if i can be satanik and i can kiss him he's hansome god if this is joke i kill trol!!!!!!!!!!NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

oh satan?
no no god i can't my love satan i can't do it i think about boys boys and gohst of FLOETING EYEBALL OF DEATH sees me in shame full pisishun and wirls in my face no i like gurls i love you and yer love is safe in my muskuler gangril vampyre arms.owtside i see gurls little virgins with hoola hoops i know what i want is to raise all as a sakirfise to my prinsess who leads me and kontrols me.every werd i sayt and every time i breeth its fer you, prinsess not another boy.i raise animles to ya every night yes maltitudes of animles large and small,skwirls skunks possoms, wild and disskirated wing of buffilo once even a hole deer yes a hole deer for the pre=insess i was so prowd and a fox, used to burn byrds but no more,and any others we find when its dark they all look the same so who knows may be others i did not menshun but misstress of darkness you know all.last nite i rased a swirl to ya then put it on the barbie kew grill roested skwirl uttered chant oh shit i forgott theres still a skwirl skilitin in grill have to go i love youNECRON ROANDFBD DOESTH

persinality test?
satan i see ya took persinalty tests succubis sent, well yer not diva of sewer, that looks alot like the succubis, actually, haha hja.but see,how can i be spoyuled conitikit rich kid i domn't live in conitikit i live in amerika, well i lived in transulvania fer a wile.and i'm not spoyuled stoopid mortal gardians don't let me have satanik ikinograffy ,thats just a a fancy werd fer serimoniel inplemants. any way i've been thinkin of ya cleaning skwrirl korpse and mortal gardian male ask me why i'm covered in charred koal.i say none of yer bizness, well no i actually say its cuz i'm looking forwerd to mammaryial day,well i know thats not how ya spell it god i shold know that one,well any way ya know what i'm talking bout. and he says there better not be funny bisniss and i said no its very series and he said hes missing some beer and i say mom took it.and he says if yer looking forwerd to mammery day you can get get the dead rakoon owt of the pool and i say inwerdly shit. thats the bloeted dead korpse we raise to satan at the full moon it must be bloeted!!! like moon and maybee we shave it,well any way i say fine and transfur rakkoon to the bathtub.fer a while,oh be asshured,satan the feest fer ya will be grand and whats gray talkin bout. the serimony will be a hi feest of doom and we'll try to go to dinisore land and oh god gray says theres picture of you with yer satanik subject brontisoris innfant!!!!god i have to see oh god baby satan older than time satan had kamera, tho, oh, i love you satan!!!!!!more than anything in the werld i dreem of yer face, yer skin and long cloek like hair.ya reely do look like nately portman, MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH has crush on her and showed me a picture, onley yer much hotter.so we see star wars movie, maybee there are will be vampyres in this one oh i rambel but i'm pleesed to love ya , bloody kisses and all my gangril stiff stiff stiff love NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

I'd nearly forgotten the Natalie Portman thing...that last sentence, too, was mercifully erased from my minduntil I just reread it. Bleach, please!

He also replies to Troll -- this really IS too shocking for him!

Subject: thats disterbing
oh my gods plloed adeler troll yer gay and the prinsess approives is that waht shes wants in a man!@@@@ how does this happen well god this werld i gess is reely is evil tho oh my god.i hear hitler is gay and god when woman mortal gardian saya the byrds are cute at byrd food howse i say no there gay. and shes says no there not gay and i say hitlers a byrd and she says ,well she gets mad.well god now what do i do.the full moon serimony is soon i will summin forses.NECRON ROAMNCER OF DEATH