Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha Comics, and Toei Animation.

________________________________________________________________________

Desperation

"the spiritual state of unbelief is desperation"

by Celeste Goodchild

________________________________________________________________________

Part V

"Interpretation"

________________________________________________________________________

Jadeite shifted uncomfortably, not entirely sure what to say. Certainly, Kunzite was not making their next-to-non-existent conversation any more real. His silence only served to unnerve poor Jadeite even more – Kunzite was the only one who could so. The Senshi had always assumed that Jadeite was a cold-hearted monster whom, if he was going to be afraid of anything, absolutely anything, it would be the idea that he would one day not find any perverse pleasure in the dismembering of a selection of cute furry animals.

No, no…Kunzite was most assuredly capable of scaring anybody in the Dark Kingdom, Jadeite included. On reflection, Jadeite wryly thought that that had probably always been an aim of the king, because fear naturally bred respect, even if it was only respect for the fact that if you annoyed him enough, he would probably make balloon animals out of your lower intestines.

Then again, thought Jadeite, I really can’t imagine him doing that – it’s a tad messy. It would be more his style to torture someone by keeping them in a state of perpetual, silent agony for forty years. Then he’d let Zoisite rip off their heads and spit down their necks.

Jadeite coughed slightly, beginning to wonder why Kunzite always invoked these disturbing, splatstick kind of images. Especially considering that he looked like an Ice King who abhorred bloody messes of any type.

Kunzite finally turned his gaze from staring out of his study window over the flat, deserted plains of the cavernous Dark Kingdom. His argent eyes were emotionless, but more shadowed than Jadeite had ever had the misfortune to see. "Have you done it?"

Jadeite nodded hurriedly, not wanting to antagonise the silver king but taking his time about his reply. When Kunzite had yelled at him earlier, regarding the "Tuxedo Kamen" mess, it had given him one Hell of a fright. Kunzite was not one to lose his temper, no matter what the provocation. "The youma are currently dragging the river of Lethe. As you are no doubt well aware, they can not drag Phlegethon, because if Tuxedo Kamen did fall in there, his corpse was no doubt disintegrated only minutes later."

Kunzite nodded, he resumed staring out the window. He was seated at his desk, the window being a large picture one at his back. He had turned his chair slightly sideways to be able to look outside, leaving his handsome, slightly pensive face in profile.

Jadeite thought he knew full well why Kunzite looked so oddly troubled. It had to be because of Zoisite, naturally, but it also surprised him. He never would have honestly believed that Kunzite actually cared about his idiot student, though Jadeite could certainly see the visual attraction of the obnoxious little sakura. He was very beautiful, in his quietly malicious little way. Jadeite fleetingly lamented the fact that he wasn’t homosexual – and that Zoisite was most assuredly permanently attached – before moving back to consider Kunzite’s obvious esteem for the little blossom. It was unusual; he would have thought it was a brief tango, with Kunzite merely trying out how it felt to walk the other side of the blade.

However, Queen Beryl-sama’s latest decree seemed to have actually affected him deeper than he cared to admit. Jadeite began to feel somewhat depressed about the next weeks he would undoubtedly be spending in Kunzite’s presence. He was most certainly not going to be a twinkle-toed happy boy, now that was for sure.

Jadeite sighed quietly; Kunzite didn’t notice. He was much too preoccupied with his own thoughts, so Jadeite contented himself with staring at the wall. It seemed kind of ridiculous, when he thought about it. He could be on earth right now, cavorting with any number of promiscuous, uninhibited woman. But no, instead of thoroughly enjoying himself with those ridiculous – yet exceptionally attractive – women, he was sitting in the office with a mildly depressed superior who seemed to be more interested in what wasn’t outside.

He checked a sigh. Life wasn’t much fun anymore, he realised upon reflection. Life, in all actuality, was beginning to become a down right pain in the ass. He reflected though, with a maliciously gleeful smile, that Nephrite and Zoisite were probably just that little bit worse off.

For some unknown reason, Kunzite caught that smile, and frowned again, turning coldly speculative eyes on the younger king. "I’m glad you find this situation amusing, Jadeite."

He immediately neutralised his expression, though he didn’t know what kind of reply Kunzite would find appropriate – or if he wanted one at all. He satisfied himself with a silence during which he kept his eyes lowered from the glaringly argent hues of the silver king.

Kunzite seemed content by Jadeite’s non-reply, and then spoke again, directly facing the blond king. "Are you of the opinion we should do something about the Sailor Senshi?"

He cleared his throat, wondering briefly why Kunzite was asking. In the Dark Kingdom, superiors never asked for opinions. They gave orders, and if they were done badly, they punished their underlings severely. It there were successfully carried out, they gave more. So, understandably, Jadeite was a little shocked that Kunzite, of all people, was asking him for his worthless opinion. "From what Queen Beryl-sama told us about the nature of Nephrite’s assignment, there must be five Senshi, so we cannot afford to hurt them…"

Kunzite smiled. "Oh, I’m not talking about them."

Confused, Jadeite mentally replayed the conversation, and found he still came up bewildered. "I don’t understand. Who are you talking about?"

Tapping his long, gloved fingers on his desk, a small smile crossed his lips. "Jadeite, what if I were to tell you there were other Senshi…?"

§ ¨ © ª

Swinging his legs as he sat on the edge of the desk, Zoisite cast Nephrite another poisonous look, about the fifth this minute. "Have you thought of anything yet?" he snapped, and Nephrite winced. Zoisite’s voice was really beginning to grate on his nerves, because simply, Zoisite didn’t know when to shut up.

"Why don’t you think of something?" Nephrite finally snapped back, at long last taking the bait. "After all, my dear Zoisite, we were both given this little mission. I think it’s as much your responsibility as mine."

Zoisite tossed his head. "Well, that’s your interpretation of Beryl’s commands."

Nephrite snorted. "And yours is different, ne? I suppose you always have had a knack for twisting people’s words."

Deciding to ignore the comment – as tempting as an argument was, sometimes he did have to behave – Zoisite easily leapt off the table and proceeded to throw himself down in the chair beside Nephrite’s. The elder king winced slightly, but decided against complaining that Zoisite was invading his personal space. Instigating yet another argument would get them about as far Sailor Moon had gotten in her quest to destroy the Dark Kingdom.

"Can I have a drink?" asked Zoisite suddenly, as he languidly threw his legs over the side of the chair. He craned his neck around to look at Nephrite for a second, then resumed staring at the ceiling as he half sat, half lay on the chair in what looked to Nephrite to be a very uncomfortable position.

Against his better judgement, Nephrite simply conjured a glass, took some from his half empty bottle sitting on the small table on the other side of his chair, and handed it silently to the smaller king.

Zoisite accepted it mutely, but did not drink it straight away. Instead, he held it up to the dim lighting of the office in Nephrite’s mansion/cathedral. He did that for so long that it finally began to get on Nephrite’s nerves, which wasn’t very long at all. His nerves were very badly frazzled, and Zoisite’s presence was enough to drive him mad on a good day – and this was NOT a good day. "What ARE you doing?"

Zoisite took his time about replying. When he finally did, it was only because he had the sneaking suspicion that Nephrite was going to hit him. "I’m considering a plan of action."

"And you didn’t even have to be told three times," Nephrite marvelled. Zoisite sent him a glare, but the thing was, he wasn’t even sure if Nephrite was actually making fun of him. His tone had been more friendly than malicious, and Nephrite was not well known for wasting time on pretending to be chummy with Zoisite.

"We must find this Sailor V? We know she is in England, but what of Sailor Jupiter? How are we supposed to find her?"

Nephrite stood up, and took the glass from Zoisite’s upraised hand. After placing it on the small, spindly little table, Nephrite took the hand itself, pulling Zoisite to his feet in one fluid movement.

"Hey, I can stand on my own," Zoisite protested, trying to pull his hand away from Nephrite’s. He felt a blush taint his cheeks and he cursed his pale complexion. However, Nephrite refused to let his hand go, instead preferring to pull him across the room and towards the open room of his cathedral.

Once inside the vast, high-ceilinged room that had been the centre of the cathedral, Nephrite released Zoisite’s hand. The little king instantly yanked it to his side, rubbing it against his thigh, as if it had been contaminated by being near the second king.

Nephrite ignored the gesture, instead calling down his stars. Zoisite watched in interest – with a hint of mild jealousy – and silence for only a moment, before asking "What are you doing?"

"I am asking the stars for assistance."

"Wouldn’t it be easier to call one of those psychic hotlines?"

Brushing aside Zoisite’s snide remark, Nephrite concentrated all of his energies on the stars that had always served him so well. Within minutes, in the centre of the pattern woven by the stars, there was an image of the planet Jupiter.

"That Senshi looks like she needs to lose a little weight," remarked Zoisite.

"Shut up, would you?" Nephrite muttered, before diverting all his attention back to the image of the planet. "Show me the Guardian of this planet, the planet of the god of all gods, wielder of the powers of thunder and lightening, show me the Senshi Sailor Jupiter."

A hazy figure came into view – a short-skirted girl with dark hair and green eyes to match the colour of her Senshi outfit.

"Somehow, I don’t reckon she’ll be seen running around downtown in that outfit."

"I’m trying, damn you! Shut up and just watch!" For not the first time, Nephrite began to wish that he had gagged Zoisite before he had started this star reading. Because of his failing concentration, the images began to waver. Muttering various obscenities under his breath, he reluctantly threw all of his energies into the reading. This lowered his personal shields to such a level that it was entirely possible for Zoisite to attack and possibly mortally wound him, but Zoisite seemed distracted from thoughts of potential homicide.

"That girl is Sailor Jupiter?" asked Zoisite incredulously.

Nephrite cast him a sideways glance and almost laughed. "What, are you jealous because she’s taller than you?"

Zoisite glared at him, then turned his gaze back to the moving image. "She looks like she’s killing that kid."

"It’s only some simple judo, Zoisite."

The youngest king looked at the picture closer. "I honestly don’t think she’s in class. I think she’s trying to kill him."

"Why don’t you go cheer her on? If you shout loud enough, I’m sure this Kino Makoto will draw some blood for your personal pleasure."

Zoisite sniffed haughtily. "I shall attend to this girl, Nephrite-sama. I take it you shall deal with this Sailor V?"

He nodded, causing the stars to flicker, then go out. "It appears that Sanjouin Masato has pressing business in England all of a sudden. Oh, and if you have a chance, see if you can find anything about these nijizuishou, their potential location. I’ve been researching it, and it seems that they are on earth."

"Oh, I’ll strip-search the place, shall I? It’ll only take me all of ten billion years, but I have a window in my schedule this millennium."

"Don’t get smart with me just because you’re sexually frustrated," snapped Nephrite.

He bore Zoisite’s glare very easily, and it was the little king who finally looked away and flounced out of the room. Halfway out of the door, he disappeared in a flurry of cherry blossoms.

Nephrite sighed, conjured up his earthly seeming, and moved out into the lighter portions of his house. He did have a plane to catch, after all.

§ ¨ © ª

"You guys don’t honestly think that is Luna, do you?" asked Usagi, staring at the printout of the enhanced picture for the hundredth time this hour. She bit her lip, then went back to idly flicking through the manga she had taken from Rei’s bookshelf.

Biting back a comment about Usagi stealing her manga again, Rei turned to Ami, who was now working through her many Sailor V files, to attempt to find out if any of them mentioned Sailor V having a feline companion. "Have you found anything yet?"

Ami shook her head, ran a hand through her blue bangs. "There’s a few mentions of a white cat being seen near or with Sailor V, but that’s about it. I’m beginning to get the impression that this is a different cat."

"But who is Sailor V?" asked Usagi suddenly, looking up. "I mean, look at us! We have the names of planets and a moon. She’s just V."

Ami furrowed her brow. "True…but from the look of her, she is a Sailor Senshi."

Usagi pointed at the girl again. "But look at her fuku! We all have fukus that are similar, hers is completely different…and she has little crescent moons on her fuku, like me."

Rei’s jaw dropped. "Wait a second!"

Ami realised what Rei had just a second later. "My god, do you think that Sailor V could be the moon princess we’re looking for in disguise?"

The blonde Senshi looked at the picture for a second in silence, then suddenly nodded vigorously. "I think she is! Luna must be so blind, to miss something like this!"

"Maybe she didn’t," said Ami suddenly. "Maybe she went to England to contact this Sailor V because Luna just realised she was our Moon Princess…and she wants to procure her assistance so we can all get out of this mess!"

Usagi shook her head slightly. "I don’t think she’d run off without telling us first, though."

Rei snorted. "Yeah, that’s more your style than Luna’s."

The blue haired Senshi glared at the other two until they smartly shut their mouths and looked at her attentively. Satisfied, she went on. "The last time we saw Luna was in Kunzite’s citadel, right? Well, maybe when we got thrown back into the basement, Luna somehow got back here, to Tokyo. Maybe she went to find Sailor V and her friend to come and help us in the Dark Kingdom."

The other two looked at one another, then back at Ami. "It doesn’t sound right," said Rei finally. "Why would she suddenly know that Sailor V was the moon princess, all because we were dumb enough to get ourselves trapped in the Dark Kingdom?"

Ami shrugged. "I don’t think she did know. Perhaps she just thought that Sailor V would be able to help us, without realising that she’s probably the princess we’ve been looking for all along."

"Then what should we do in the meantime?"

Rei stood up, her robes rustling about her as she did. The events of two days before were still clear in her mind; she could still remember her last visions of Tuxedo Kamen. Biting back hot tears, she turned away from the others so they would not see her expression. "I’m going to go and try to do some more fire readings on Luna and Tuxedo Kamen."

Ami stood up, brushing off her skirt as she did so. Usagi remained seated on a cushion, staring up at the other two as she blinked her wide blue eyes. "That’s something that’s bothering me, actually."

"What’s that?" asked Rei, though she knew what Ami was about to point out.

"The fact that yesterday, you couldn’t find anything on Luna or Tuxedo Kamen-sama. If Luna was headed to England – though I do wonder how a cat could pull that off – don’t you think you would be able to sense what she was doing and where she was?"

Rei shrugged, though it bothered her too. "I’m looking for our feline advisor, Ami-chan. If she was around somewhere, I should be able to sense her. As for Tuxedo Kamen-sama…"

Usagi looked up, her eyes wide and startled. "Does that mean he’s…"

Shaking her head, Rei placed a kind hand on her shoulder. "Usagi, it doesn’t necessary mean that he’s…badly hurt, it just means that the fire can’t find his mental presence at all. The same goes for Luna."

Ami took Usagi’s other hand, pulled her to her feet. "We should go, Usagi-chan, and let Rei have some peace and quiet to do her reading. Besides, you should do your homework. If you want, I’ll come home with you and give you a hand."

Usagi smiled brightly at her, but Ami could see shadows in those large blue eyes. She was obviously quite distressed about Tuxedo Kamen and Luna, though there was really nothing any of them could do about the situation. Ami’s plan of action had been to find Luna, then consider a search for the missing masked man. The other two had to agree with her, though both had hardly slept through their worry about the man and the cat.

"Oh, that’s okay, Ami-chan. I’ll do it myself."

"Are you sure-"

"Yes," said Usagi, in a surprisingly emphatic voice, one that startled both Rei and Ami. "I need…time to think, okay? I’d rather be alone for a bit."

Ami made to object, but Rei stopped her. "Let it go, Ami-chan…she needs to be alone for awhile. She’ll be all right."

Usagi nodded, surprised that Rei, of all people, was going to be her supporter. "Arigatoo, Rei-chan…" With that, she turned and left the room almost at a run, her long pigtails bannering out behind her as she left into the dark.

Ami turned back to Rei, and then picked up her computer from the low table, snapping it closed. "I’d better go home. We’ll met back here tomorrow afternoon again, right? And in the meantime, I’ll work on trying to find out anything about Sailor V…I think it’s a slender chance that we’ll find anything about her true identity, but I’ll keep trying."

Rei nodded, then something struck her. "Ami-chan, you think Sailor V has an Earthen identity like us, right?"

The girl nodded, picking up her book bag. "Sure. She must, even if she is the Moon Princess."

"Do you think that she is actually Japanese, like us?"

Ami made to laugh off the suggestion, but she suddenly thought about it as an idea struck her. "Actually, Rei, you could have a point. It’s a huge coincidence that so far, three Senshi are in Japan. Sailor V could have a Japanese-English identity." Ami fished a piece of paper out of her book bag, and began scribbling on it furiously with a pen retrieved from Rei’s desk. "Tell you what. I’ll go through the school rolls of some London schools, if I can hack into their computer databases. If Sailor V has a Japanese identity, she’s probably at least our age, and I suspect her name will stick out in your average English school roll."

Smiling sadly, Rei walked Ami out to the entrance to the Hikawa shrine. Before Ami made to go down the stairs to the street below, she turned to Rei, suddenly giving her a fierce hug. "Don’t worry, Rei-chan, we’ll find Tuxedo Kamen-sama."

Biting her lip, Rei hugged Ami back, just as tightly. She whispered to her "I hope you’re right, Ami-chan, I hope you’re right like you always are…"

§ ¨ © ª

Zoisite never had been overly found of Earth. It disturbed him on a level he couldn’t quite describe, it was like he had once been one of those foolish mortal humans wandering about the earth, so completely wrapped up in their own sad, pathetic little lives.

Turning away from them in disgust, he noted with satisfaction that the girl was coming down the street. She matched the description the stars had given completely – this girl was named Kino Makoto, and she looked exactly as the stars had said she would.

Shrouded in shadow, Zoisite watched from against the wall as Kino Makoto walked past him without seeing him. She certainly was tall, he noted with some annoyance. She must stand as tall as he did, at least. From the look of it, she was probably taller. Sulking, Zoisite almost forgot to trail her for a little bit.

The reason for doing this was simple – all Zoisite wanted to do was give himself an idea of the magical power of this girl, the strength of her aura, and how much of her potential had already been tapped.

He followed her in the shadows, watching the easy grace with which she moved. Even though she was tall, her movements had the refinement of a martial arts champion. It made Zoisite feel somewhat uneasy, but he banished the feeling. She was only a girl, and from her aura, he suspected she knew nothing of her great potential. Her powers seemed to lie dormant in her, which both relieved and annoyed Zoisite. Relieved, because he would not have to attempt to change her way of thinking about the Dark Kingdom, but annoyed, because now he would have to explain to her his version of the story of Sailor Moon.

Zoisite stopped, and watched the girl, dressed in jeans and a jacket, continue down the street. Her long ponytail bounced as she moved further out of view, disappearing into another street. Zoisite was far from worried, however, because he knew he would be able to find Kino Makoto again. He was attuned to her aura now. The stars – at Nephrite’s command – had led Zoisite to her the first time, now he could find her alone.

He sighed to himself, his thoughts drifting to Kunzite for the first time since Nephrite had so callously mentioned his frustration at his separation from the silver king. Banishing thoughts that only made life a whole lot more difficult – for both emotional and physical reasons – Zoisite turned and strode down the street, in the opposite direction to Kino Makoto. As he did so, his form was temporarily wrapped around with cherry blossoms, which transformed his grey uniform into a more human outfit of a long black jacket and blue jeans. He moved on into the darkness, not really looking at where it was he was going.

§ ¨ © ª

Ami was perhaps halfway home when she stopped for a moment, and looked upwards towards the bright moon. It was a sickle this evening, the brightness of it cutting cleanly through the night sky.

Tears shone in her eyes briefly before she furiously blinked them back. Now was NOT the time to cry. She had to stay strong, for them, for herself. She could already see that Usagi was upset, that she was not really functioning brilliantly though she did try to appear her normal, bubbly self. Rei too, was pensive and Ami could easily see that it would be simple enough to convince them to go to the Dark Kingdom to get Tuxedo Kamen-sama, if that was where he was. It was she, Ami, who held them all back…

But I have no choice! I can’t just decide to launch such an offensive, and I have no idea how to work an espionage mission…I wish Luna were here…

As she was thinking, she felt someone walk smack-bang into her, sending both of them sprawling. Ami fell backwards and whacked her head, immediately seeing stars. However, she sat up relatively quickly, concerned for her companion.

She found herself staring into the verdant eyes of one of the four kings from the Dark Kingdom – and he didn’t look pleased. "Zoisite!" she gasped, recognising the eyes and hair, not to mention the dark aura that clung to him, designating him as a potential threat.

Those same verdant eyes first widened, then narrowed. "How did you know…" As his voice trailed off, a small smile crossed his face. "Oh, it’s little Sailor Mercury. Please, don’t blow bubbles in my face, you’re not supposed to get soap detergent in your eyes."

Ami leapt to her feet, but she did not immediately pull out her henshin wand. She actually relaxed her stance as a rather annoyed Zoisite climbed to his feet and dusted himself off. "It was nice seeing you again…what’s your name? I remember Jadeite mentioning it, but…" He shrugged.

"Ami," she said with a slight frown. It struck her as odd that he did not attack her, but upon reflection, she soon realised that he couldn’t. She was not attacking him, therefore he was under no obligation to attack her.

"It was nice seeing you again, Ami-san. Perhaps we’ll meet again."

Without a further word, Zoisite turned away and strode off, leaving Ami seated in the middle of the pavement, her bag lying beside her. After a few moments, she stood herself, and turned around, walking the well-known path home.

______________________________________________________________________________________