Author's Notes

It all began with "A Moment in Time", and an alternate version thereof. The 'moment that wasn't' lurked around in my head for months upon months... faintly interesting, but not really enough in itself.

And over the weeks and months, I grew frustrated with the general stereotyped Zoisite-- that is, whiny, bitchy, self-confident, vindictive, nasty, sadistic, "cruel, evil incarnate". Perhaps this is a DiC-ism, because I confess to not seeing any of this in the canon anime-series Zoisite. And it upset me.

So, somehow, the two ideas converged, and a fanfic was born.

Kind of, anyway. I didn't actually write anything for a few months. Then, finally, feeling somewhat inspired, I sat down and wrote up the prologue, Chapter 1, and Chapter 4.

And there it sat for another few months.

Then, about two weeks ago, I sat down again, and wrote Chapter 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7.

And then, a dark and stormy night about a week later, I finished.

I'm not kidding.

Anyway, it's turned out a bit more-- disjointed, than was intended. But I think it works better this way, and if not... well... dammit.

Please-- tell me what you think of it. I'll be eternally grateful.

And on a similar note, thanks to all who have spared time to comment on my works. And thanks to archive maintainers who've been kind enough to post any of my work. And thanks to my comrades on the Mega_SM_Darkfics mailing list. And, of course, thanks to my long-suffering friends label me a freak but tolerate me anyway.

Let it begin, already, I've waited long enough.

Prologue

They materialized-- not in the throne room, as he had expected-- but in their own bedroom. Zoisite blinked, more than a little confused, but was far beyond even attempting anything akin to logical reason. He allowed Kunzite to half-carry him to the bed, and gratefully collapsed upon it. As his vision slowly swam into focus, and the pain subsided a little, he saw the older man standing by the far window, looking out at the bleak landscape.

"Kunzite-sama..." he tried to say, and coughed painfully.

Kunzite said nothing, gave no hint of having heard. He stood, silhouetted against the hostile landscape, watching the fierce, ongoing storms. To Zoisite he looked painfully world-weary; and the injured man's heart bled at the thought of his failure.

"I'm sorry..."

Kunzite shook his head slightly, traced one hand down a hairline crack in the stone wall, did not speak. Zoisite lapsed into silence, watching the older man who stood, so cold, so distant; moments before he had been angry, now all that remained was... a resigned sadness.

Zoisite did not have the strength to go to him; or he would have. He had never seen Kunzite look this way-- so... vulnerable. So... ancient.

A few seconds went by, perhaps more, and Kunzite quickly stiffened; then turned slowly, calmly from the window.

"She's calling." he stated, as if to himself.

"I didn't hear..." Zoisite mumbled, overcome by dizziness as he tried to stand.

"It's the ginzuishou's effects." Kunzite sounded preoccupied, and raised a hand slowly to his face, before letting it drop to his side. He looked to Zoisite, who stood shakily beside the bed, stretching out an imploring hand.

"Kunzite-sama, I don't think I can--"

"...No."

Kunzite stepped forward, pressing a hand to Zoisite's chest. "No." he slowly, deliberately, pushed the injured man back onto the bed. "Stay here."

"Beryl--"

"Stay... here." the elder king's voice was deathly quiet. Zoisite fell silent, looking up into the indecipherable (beloved) platinum eyes. He nodded slightly.

Kunzite stood a moment. Then he knelt, pulled Zoisite to him, in an embrace that lasted an eternity (or, only the briefest second).

And he was gone.

Chapter 1

"Where is Zoisite?" Beryl was obviously in a foul mood, and it was more obvious still who she had been planning to take it out on. Kunzite did not answer immediately, but bowed.

"My Queen."

"Where is Zoisite?" her hands clenched the arms of her throne, knuckles white with rage.

"He's been injured, Queen Beryl-sama."

She looked highly suspicious. "Badly enough to keep him from reporting to me?"

Kunzite did not raise his head. "Hai, Queen Beryl-sama. The ginzuishou--"

"Yes, the ginzuishou." Beryl's voice was dangerously low, "Kunzite, go and get him and bring him to me, now. Whatever injury he has won't matter, very soon. He has failed miserably-- not to mention disobeyed my command-- and deserves punishment."

"No, Beryl-sama." Kunzite's voice was steady and clear, "It was my doing."

"You?" she frowned.

An eternity passed, in the split second that he hesitated; but Kunzite had never been any good at thinking for the moment. He had made his decision long, long before, and he could not, would not, did not want to go back on it now.

"I killed Tuxedo Kamen."

She did not reply at once, but something in her expression changed, and if her intense fury seemed to calm, the feeling of evil grew.

"You... disobeyed a direct order." the Queen's voice carried the slightest tinge of cruel amusement. "I had thought better of you, Kunzite. You're a fool."

"Hai, Queen Beryl-sama." Kunzite raised his face to her, expressionless. Beryl stared at him for an excruciatingly long moment.

Then she struck.

* * *

Something was wrong. Horribly, terribly wrong. Zoisite was jolted out of his half-sleep, trembling violently, gripped with an intense, desperate fear. Confused and frightened, knowing only that he had to go somewhere, he staggered away from the bed and hurriedly pulled on his uniform. Without bothering to button his jacket he gathered his power and teleported, allowing instinct to direct him.

He appeared in the throne room.

It was strangely deserted; neither Beryl nor the usual youma horde was present. Zoisite staggered slightly, and cursed his injury. He wondered vaguely why Beryl would have left her audience chamber, especially when she had wanted to hear the report from Kunzite....

Something, by the far wall, sparkling....

Zoisite choked on a scream.

For a long moment he stood frozen, silent, staring, refusing to believe his eyes; then he ran forward, stumbling, shaking, terrified of what might be; or perhaps what already was, but should not have been.

...Sparkling....

It was not long; or perhaps it was an eternity, until the last shimmers faded, and the air was still. Zoisite huddled together, realizing all at once the sheer magnitude of the Kingdom, the vast evil that was Metallia, in every cell and speck. He was too tired, too pained, too distanced to be ashamed of his tears.

"Pitiful..."

He whirled, and saw Beryl, standing not twenty feet away from him.

She smiled.

"Dear sakura," her tone was mocking, "you thought I didn't know." she shook her head, and her golden eyes glinted cruelly, "Zoisite, I know everything that happens between my officers. Everything."

He could not speak, could not breathe, could only stare in horror, as she threw back her head and laughed.

"Yes, dear little sakura, I know who murdered Endymion. I know who failed at getting the ginzuishou. Oh, fool, fool, who thought he was so brave. What a sacrifice." she laughed harder, shaking her head; then she stopped, and smiled at him, again.

It was not a pleasant smile.

"Oh, Zoisite," Beryl said, in a tone more malicious than he had ever heard even from her, "Death was too kind. I've done far worse than kill you."

Zoisite felt whatever strength was left go out of him, and he could not even rise to his feet. Trembling, he pulled on his last energy reserves and teleported away, in a sickly swirl of near-white sakura petals.

He materialized; pale, shaking, breathing raggedly, his mind a dark whirlwind of confusion. He could barely see, but he didn't need to. He knew the castle perfectly, inside-out, and he knew (knew) where he could find what he needed.

Reeling blindly across the dark bedroom, he scrabbled at the drawer in the bedtable, groping desperately for what (should have been) was there.

His finger brushed something sharp, and he leapt away instinctively. He smiled; a terrible, demented grin-- and reached back into the drawer, feeling his way along the blade, back to the (smooth) wood hilt.

The world was set afire; he was blinded by a flash of light, a resounding roar-- something struck him on the temple and he reeled backwards, dropping the knife.

And (what)--

His hand touched the cold floor; he felt (crystal) shards driven into his palm; he did not cry out. But (carefully) searched, in the dimness, until he touched-- cold-- metal.

Little golden pentagon, intricately carved, bejeweled, beautiful--

Shattered.

The knife (what other concerns) forgotten, Zoisite scrambled to his feet, trying feebly to conjure a light, any light at all, to see-- to make sure-- it could not be (no!) ruined.

He couldn't. The perpetual storms had quieted now, and darkness had crept over the extensive (cold) keep. Trembling slightly with chill, clutching the little (shattered) frame to his chest, Zoisite crawled into the (cold) bed and fell into an exhausted sleep.

The storms awoke him several hours later, on what (he was not sure) could have been morning or night. Trembling slightly, he reached out, moving closer to the protective warmth of his lover.

(nothing)

He opened his wide eyes; glinting green in the oppressive darkness. One bloodied hand clutched the little metal frame. Shattered. Fear gripped him; he pulled the blanket tight about himself and stared, unseeing, into the endless (endless!) dark.

Somehow, after some time (an eternity) had passed, he wrenched his gaze away from (whatever it was) and raised the little frame in a trembling hand, trying to see (no, no...).

Platinum eyes, somehow-- soft... not so cold-- stared into him, and he was locked in their dead, unseeing stare.

And (perhaps) the lips did not truly move, but he clearly saw them as they mouthed one word to him. One last, blessed, precious word, to cling to when the darkness threatened to overcome him.

One last hope.

Ginzuishou.

Staring into the photograph held within the shattered frame, Zoisite mouthed the word again, and then said it aloud. He shuddered at the empty echo of his voice that reverberated through the castle; then grew bolder, and spoke again, louder, steadier.

"Ginzuishou."

In his darkened, ravaged mind, something clicked, and (like seven treasures) everything seemed to fall into place.

He blinked once, then, his fear and confusion eased, Zoisite pulled the blanket around himself and slept again, holding the little cracked frame gently to him.

He smiled slightly, and whispered to it, a last time.

"Ginzuishou."

Chapter 2

He knew nothing.

He knew the woman before whom he stood was his Queen. He knew he was to serve her in... any way she requested. He knew the Great Ruler was a being, Metallia, who controlled and ruled all.

He knew his name. Or what she had told him (last night) was his name. It fit him well enough, he supposed.

"Endymion."

It was her voice, and he snapped his head up, front and center, at the sound of it. If nothing else, she seemed protective-- well, no, not only that....

He heard something else behind him, and forcibly stopped himself from wincing. The dark Powers surrounding him-- that he himself possessed, even-- frightened him terribly.

The essence of the teleport spell faded, and Endymion heard the newcomer utter something between a gasp and a snarl.

"Zoisite." the Queen's tone carried overtones of hostility and danger, and even though it was not directed at him, Endymion shuddered.

"Hai."

The voice was a man's; but Endymion doubted for a moment when the small, slender, and beautiful creature stepped into his view.

"Zoisite, I'm expecting you to work with Prince Endymion in obtaining the ginzuishou."

Deep, emerald eyes bored into him, filled with an inexplicable hatred, and Endymion shrank imperceptibly away, confused and annoyed by the antagonism of this-- stranger?

"I will not." the delicate man's voice shook with barely-concealed emotion, his dark eyes flitting back and forth from Prince to Queen. "I would prefer to work alone, Beryl...-sama."

Endymion felt a seething rage at the impertinent general, and now saw fit to glare coldly back at him. Beryl looked from one to the other with a frustrated expression, and finally said, "Be it so, then. But I need not remind you, Zoisite, of the consequences of failure."

"Iie."

As the slender man pressed a hand to his chest in salute, Endymion found his eyes and his thoughts wandering, as he longed to-- shame the one who dared think of disposing of his singular safeguard in the hostile, alien Dark Kingdom. Beryl-- from what he could tell-- was ruthless, dangerous, cold, and unpredictable-- but she had shown herself to be rather... fond of him. And even if her attraction frightened and repelled him somewhat, he knew she would not let him be killed.

As the last petals accompanying the shitennou's teleport faded, Endymion knew another something. Zoisite... would kill him. He did not know how he knew, but he was very, very certain.

And he-- did he?-- want to kill Zoisite...? Something... something... not quite that.

But he knew that he hated him.

"Endymion."

Her voice, once again, cut through his thoughts.

"Endymion... go and find the ginzuishou."

He mimicked the salute Zoisite had given, pledging his undying, desperate loyalty to her-- whatever she was.

"Hai, Queen Beryl-sama..."

Chapter 3

It had been a rare period of peace, the past few weeks. Peace, excepting their leader's near hysteria, and their collective edginess. Using schoolwork as an excuse, she had escaped from them, and now wandered, alone, as she had not been for--

--for how long, since Luna had found her?

The friendship-- fellowship-- was something she had only dreamed before.

But beneath (and she wondered if the others noticed, too) was a murkiness; what she did not know, they did not know, perhaps even Luna did not know. And perhaps they would never know-- but it wouldn't matter.

Because-- without thinking-- she had taken the pen in hand, and repeated (like a good girl) what Luna told her. And the unthinking act had been her salvation (damnation?)....

The wonderings deserted her now, as she caught sight of the familiar figure standing not far away. Quickly she ducked out of sight, keeping an eye out for youma, or any other danger.

Ami pushed the button on her communicator to call Rei, or Minako.

And then she stopped herself. She didn't want to talk to them, not any of them; not yet. Besides (spoke the analytical brain) there didn't seem to be any immediate crisis. Her enemy was only standing, staring at... nothing. He looked....

Small...?

He also seemed to be speaking to himself; and, peering harder, Ami noticed his soliloquy seemed to consist of a single phrase, which he repeated to himself, and repeated to himself, as if conditioning his mind for... for what?

Her enemy paused in his murmurings, a nervousness touching his delicate features. He turned around, slowly, cautiously-- and Ami cringed. He knew she was watching.

"Sailor..." he half-said, taking a wary step in her direction. She thought fast; better to stay, to transform, or to play innocent?

Ami chose the last. Trying to seem casual, she walked around the corner of the building and started to hurry past him.

But the enemy stood in her way.

Green eyes glinted dangerously. "Sailormercury."

She stood where she was, seemingly rooted in her tracks. "N-- nani?!"

Zoisite looked surprised, himself, for a moment, then slowly nodded. "Sailormercury."

"Zoisite!" half-shocked, half-furious, she glared up at him. Not far, she realized, with a bit of contempt; he couldn't be any taller than Mako-chan.

"You..." his voice trailed off, and he shook his head, ran a hand through his bangs; when he spoke again, it was with tired resignation, "Oh, just get away from me."

Ami's indignation turned to something near concern. Hesitantly, on the alert for some kind of trap, she asked, "Is... is there anything I--"

"What in Metallia's name are you talking about?!" he almost snarled, without looking at her, "How would-- you-- child-- senshi-- killed-- oh, hell, just leave me--!"

His voice broke and he turned abruptly away from her. Before Ami could speak again, he was gone, in a flurry of pink petals.

Chapter 4

The wind danced through his copper hair, and drew ripples in the silvery waters of the (deceptively peaceful) lake. Zoisite was poised delicately, several feet above the ground, also managing to look credibly calm. He had located Endymion with little difficulty; powerful though he might be, the Prince hadn't yet learned just how careful one had to be, in the Dark Kingdom.

Careful... careful. He shook his head slightly, dispelling thought and memory as best he could. Inactivity frustrated him. What was Endymion up to?

Drifting delicately to the ground, Zoisite scanned the nearby shore for any sign of the Prince. Nothing. Sighing exasperatedly, he twisted a strand of hair about his finger.

Ginzuishou...

He could see it twinkling before him, elusive, deadly, cruel-- beautiful.

Zoisite blinked. And pushed his bangs back from his face. And stared into the water. The glittering of the Crystal let all his thoughts fall into place, as long as he reached out his hand to grasp at it. Abeyance brought other things wandering to mind.

The warmth of Kunzite's arms, a blurred view of the gray and soft blue cloth pressed against his face, in the last-- millennium-- millisecond--

The mirror broke, shattering into a thousand droplets that struck him, slicing through his thoughts. He lay, dazed, for a moment, his breath coming in ragged gasps; and the monster hovered over him.

Zoisite had nothing to scream for.

The demon paused, and raised its eyes to something beyond the General. The malice and hatred in it seemed to grow, and it-- leapt--

"Moon--" shouted a high-pitched, frightened voice.

In an instant, Zoisite was on his feet, tensed and shaking, staring.

So familiar, what happened next, that he (almost) forgot. But something inexplicable had changed within him; Zoisite's resolve had been firmly uprooted and set, again, even more determined now-- so when he saw the glasslike flower strike the demon, and shatter-- and heard the voice again-- he knew there was no nijizuishou.

He remembered what he wanted.

Two steps and (the senshi had come from somewhere) two steps, and (the girl was Sailormoon) two steps, and (Moon Healing--) two steps and his hand brushed the smooth, marble-like handle of the Crescent Wand.

An--

An elusive--

--something--

dancing

(somehow)

close--

it spoke

--and--

Kino

Makoto.

You hear?

Yes.

He heard a faint crackling, smelled (slightly) something burnt. Realized slowly that the ground beneath him was rough and cold; and then, that his right shoulder hurt.

His vision swirled dizzily as he rose to his feet, curling his singed fingers together. Jupiter, must have been Jupiter.

Kino Makoto, that is.

But how--?

A flash of silver light pained his eyes, and (screaming) tried to scramble away.

-- It flashed before him-- elusive-- shimmering-- cruel-- omnipotent--

Ginzuishou, of course. Leaning back against the trunk of a tree, he regarded the senshi and Endymion, who had forgotten him in the struggle against the monster.

Ginzuishou.

It spoke? But-- why? And--

Before they could notice him again, Zoisite gathered his energy to teleport, and disappeared in a charred swirl of petals.

Chapter 5

Above him--

-- familiar

beloved

strong

warm--

his name, spoken

(tenderly)

he had never heard before

because (they) he had been afraid to

hear

to speak

Now, he was not afraid....

"I--"

Hino Rei.

Zoisite awoke.

The frightful (familiar) oblivion pressed down upon him, tainted with evil (as he was); it was not yet morning.

Breathing-- he heard breathing.

Unfamiliar; awkwardly muffled-- and now his eyes, after decades in such a world, saw the dim figure above him, leaning (reaching) over him.

--towards the nighttable, where (beside a little, shattered picture-frame) lay a shard of black crystal.

Immediately, the young shitennou threw himself at the kurozuishou, knocking the thief off-balance and sending them both crashing to the floor.

Zoisite's breath came in quick gasps, as he clutched his treasure in one burned hand. And the lightning flashed brightly, illuminating his visitor.

Endymion?

With a strangled gasp of surprise, he tore a sheet from the bed, covering himself. The Prince regarded him from the floor with an expression too complex to be deciphered.

Zoisite swore violently. "I should have known! I should have known you'd be after my crystal, you bastard! Get out! Before I kill you, Endymion!"

"You overestimate yourself." the Prince snarled, and promptly disappeared.

He stood a long moment, unmoving, as the reality of the situation hit him. Then he released his breath in a sigh and sank, trembling, onto the bed, clutching the sheet about his thin shoulders. Childishly... he wanted Kunzite-sama. Now. To chase away the monsters in his dreams (and waking), to blast Endymion through a wall, to create an elaborate shield about the kurozuishou-- no, just--

To hold him (in such darkness).

Zoisite forced himself to allow the lights to go out, and sat, shivering, surrounded by the vast, unending night. Unbidden, the faces of his former comrades sprang to mind-- Jadeite, eternally frozen, his face locked in a silent scream. Nephrite, felled by the the thorns, stained green in his own blood. And--

He had not seen Kunzite die, as he had the others. Only-- going away. Looking back, he should've realized-- should've insisted... Zoisite finally gave in again, and wept for-- for Kunzite, for his predicament, for what had happened, and what would happen-- for his weaknesses.

Maybe he cried himself to sleep, because he could remember nothing else--

...save, dreams of an elusive silver crystal

growing fainter in the distance.

Chapter 6

"Luna?"

They sat in Usagi's bedroom; silent, each and every one. In the center, the Princess, distraught; in a loose circle around her, the four Guardians, and one cat, all looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"Yes, Ami-chan?"

Rei was fuming silently; over what, no-one could be sure. Perhaps she was only frustrated that she was as helpless as any of them.

"Luna... tell me about the ginzuishou."

Makoto's eyes were fixed on the pencil she held, clenched between her hands, as it bent slightly under the strain.

"A long time ago, before the destruction of the Moon Kingdom--"

Minako had removed her red hair-ribbon and was twisting it about her fingers, staring at the floor. She didn't really know them, yet....

"No, Luna, tell me about the ginzuishou."

Ami had sat silent, thoughtful, pondering; and now she addressed their guardian cat with the matter which troubled her.

"...tell me what it is, where it's from, how it came to Serenity?"

Luna had been dozing lightly, before. Now she looked uneasy.

"Well, Ami-chan..."

Usagi was crying silently, tears dripping down her cheeks. Slowly-- slowly, she raised her head; large, blue, young, innocent, desperate eyes staring into her feline mentor. Her voice was strange-- hollow-- anguished.

"What is the ginzuishou, Luna?"

"Usagi-chan..."

The cat looked over all of them, a touch of alarm showing in her eyes. She glanced to the still-sleeping Artemis, nearby; around at all the senshi, who ceased their nervous fidgeting to await her reply.

Crrrack!

Makoto's pencil snapped in two.

"Usagi--"

Rei leaned forward. "Yes, Luna?"

"Minna... I..." the cat shook her head.

Ten pairs of eyes regarded her expectantly.

Explain to us, Luna, why we're here, and why we're suffering, and whom we're fighting, and why we have to kill, and why Usagi's crying, and Luna explain tell us please what is the ginzuishou.

"I don't know."

Chapter 7

"Zoisite."

He was immediately awake; and moving, as quickly as possible, to collect some scrap of his dignity. Rising from the floor, crystal in hand, he glared darkly at the unwelcome figure of Endymion, standing just on the other side of the bed.

"What are you doing here?"

The Prince paused a moment, as the smaller man fastened the clasp on his jacket collar. "I'm here for the kurozuishou." he said quietly, "Queen Beryl-sama's orders."

"To hell with that!" snarled the other, gathering his power to attack. The Prince regarded him calmly, a moment-- and with a twist of his hand, dissolved the blast even before it was fired.

"Don't be a fool." Endymion's voice was tinted with hatred and scorn, "You can't so much as lift a finger against me."

Zoisite sneered, too angry to hold his tongue. "You're nothing but an upstart mortal boy."

A look of-- what?-- flickered over the Prince's face, and he stood, a moment, unmoving.

And in three steps he was around the bed.

Before Zoisite could react, a hand seized his collar roughly and shoved him backward, against the uneven stone of the wall.

"I'm not as much the fool as I once was." Endymion hissed. Zoisite struggled, trying to turn his face away from his enemy's ragged breath, but the Prince only tightened his grip. "I'm less lost than you are, sakura, and much more powerful."

"You're only a bed-toy for Beryl!" the smaller man snapped.

"Silence!" roared the black-haired Prince, "You don't seem to realize, sakura-- I can do anything I please."

A long, unpleasant minute of silence passed.

It seemed Endymion had drawn closer, his face now almost touching that of his adversary. "Anything..."

"Get away from me."

Zoisite's voice was barely a whisper. He felt himself trembling; frightened, repulsed, as Endymion leaned forward.

"Get away from me--!"

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to shrink away, as Endymion's lips pressed insistently against his. He struggled wildly, trying to scream, but Endymion's tongue had forced a way into his mouth, and no sound could escape him.

Kunzite--

and he remembered the kurozuishou, clenched in his icy hand.

Kunzite-sama--

Zoisite managed to raise his arm, and

Kunzite-sama--!

plunge the crystal into Endymion's chest.

The Prince reeled away, gasping an obscenity, as Zoisite collapsed to the ground, retching. For a moment, he looked about to collapse-- but he somehow managed to gather his energies, and teleported away, a look of-- shock-- imprinted upon his features.

The young shitennou buried his face in his hands, sobbing hysterically. He couldn't-- couldn't help it, he was too overcome by shame-- degradation-- fear.

And now, Endymion had the kurozuishou--

--but he didn't care, didn't care, didn't care!-- Zoisite tried to insist to himself, clenching his teeth, trying to stop his tears. The kurozuishou was no longer important. It was but a matter of pride (and, true, he valued that enough)-- and all that really mattered now was the silver crystal itself.

He drew upon the now-familiar mental image; the twinkling, glittering, beautiful, godsent... it almost seemed to-- smile.

(and if it almost smiled-- the smile was almost cruel.)

"Kunzite-sama..." he whispered hoarsely to himself, as a shudder ran through his body, at the revulsion of what had almost occurred. "Kunzite-sama."

And-- Aino Minako, whispered the ginzuishou.

"M-minako." he repeated drowsily, obediently; and then, "I'll find the ginzuishou."

And then-- a muffled sob, and (so young)...

"I don't want to be alone, Kunzite-sama."

Chapter 8

She saw as he was pulled away-- screaming-- his face a mask of despair--

"Urawa-kun!"

--and he was gone.

Sailormercury raised tear-filled eyes to Endymion, forgetting (for a moment) that he was Mamoru, that he was Tuxedo Kamen, that he was her Prince.

And she only knew that he had hurt Urawa.

"I won't forgive you!"

Endymion regarded her without emotion.

"Little girls." he said scornfully, "What do you little girls think you can do against me? Come on, then. Break the kurozuishou, free your friend. Come on... try."

She flew at him, disregarding (what her mind did not tell her) that she was the weakest, that she could do nothing against Endymion.

The kurozuishou flew in a wide arc, sailing away from the furious Endymion, as Sailormercury landed heavily on the pavement-- and she watched as it fell-- fell--

--fell into a waiting hand.

"Zoisite--" the black-haired man looked... frightened, or relieved, she could not tell. He raised a hand to his chest, as if remembering something; the senshi could not help but wonder just what.

Neither had time to ponder.

"Shabon-- spray!"

As the fog began to fade, Sailormercury heard (thank God) a familiar voice shout "Stop!"

And then-- "Supreme-- Thunder!"

Endymion stood, looking more than peeved, as well as slightly charred. "You--!"

Sailormoon clasped her hands, pleading to him. "Mamoru-- Mamoru--"

"I've told you, I don't know that name!"

"Try and heal him." Sailormercury whispered. Her leader nodded, gripping the Moon Stick.

"Moon-- Healing-- Escalation!"

The tearing agonies in the Prince's face showed that he knew--

and as quickly, he was gone.

Sailormoon collapsed, weeping. Sailormercury stood, as time seemed to grind to a halt, and she remembered Urawa, the kurozuishou... and Zoisite....

She turned to him, where he stood-- posed delicately, several feet above the ground, looking at the kurozuishou-- at Sailormoon-- at her.

"Please," Sailormercury implored, "please, please, he-- he trapped the nijizuishou carriers-- Urawa-kun-- Urawa!"

* * *

Zoisite's memories of Ryo Urawa had most to do with a broken rib. But-- somehow-- the nijizuishou seemed to be of so little consequence, now; as if their age of importance had been years, centuries ago, and he could just barely manage to recollect just what they had been all about.

You have the kurozuishou back.

He looked down into the wide, teary blue eyes of Mizuno Ami, as she pleaded for the life of-- of the one she--

Zoisite felt a twinge of-- something, as he saw... himself.

The kurozuishou slipped from his fingers, and

--letting himself drop to the ground, he crushed it beneath his boot.

Sailormercury stared a full minute.

She (slowly) knelt beside the groggy Urawa, her eyes fixated on her... enemy....

"A-arigato..." she called after Zoisite, as he quickly called his storm of sakura to take him away.

Only-- only-- only the ginzuishou--

only the ginzuishou matters now.

Chapter 9

Little had Beryl known just what she was getting herself into, that (undefinable) long ago, when she had taken in a deadly powerful being who had promised her what she desired most.

And indeed, she had him. The Queen looked him over without expression; wishing more than anything that he would give himself to her willingly. But no-- even brainwashed as he was, he would keep drifting back to Serenity.

Not to mention when she had sent him for the kurozuishou-- and he had returned to her with a deep puncture wound in his chest, and the crystal dripping blood... Beryl had decided it was best not to ask.

But still, it pained her.

She almost allowed herself to sigh, before her youma and two remaining officers-- but realized the foolishness of such a display of mortal weakness (was I ever mortal?). Even so, the smaller of her two commanders seemed to have caught some something in her manner, and watched her with a disturbingly unreadable expression.

Metallia was impatient, the child-warriors grew stronger, Endymion's memories threatened to return, and Zoisite... gave her the faintest feeling of unease. Beryl found herself growing desperate.

"Zoisite..." she began, turning her amber gaze on him, "You have dawdled far too long-- the senshi have found the entrance to my Kingdom. I want you to destroy them, and get me the ginzuishou. Immediately."

Her eyes glittered dangerously, and she added-- "And do remember, you are expendable, Zoisite."

"Queen Beryl-sama." he saluted stiffly.

For the briefest moment, his dark, green eyes met her own-- and then he was gone.

Beryl would not allow herself to be unnerved.

"Endymion..."

Her tone held the slightest, almost indecipherable quiver of--

Longing.

And despair.

He looked up to her, his deep blue eyes somehow troubled (and, Darkness, he is beautiful). The woman he looked to (she saw) was his safeguard against Zoisite, youma; he knew her as powerful, as doting, and--

And nothing. Beryl knew.

The ruler of the universe would not cry, and (overlooking that she was only a pawn for the Great One) Beryl drew a deep breath.

God above, but she loved him. She had sold her soul for him, she had given anything and everything for him.

Yet in his coldness-- even cruelty-- she found herself lonesome for even a fool such as Jadeite. It infuriated her how (somehow--!) her underlings found solace in one another in the dark hell of her world, yet she-- the Queen of all, even!-- was scorned.

In her puerile rage, she shattered them as best she could, making herself out to be a temperamental, moody, jealous, childish tyrant--

Queen Beryl was upset.

Desperate.

And (she would not dare say) lonely.

And now, it was far, far too late.

Chapter 10

Zoisite was dying.

His whole being, it seemed, was being slowly unassembled, bit by excruciating bit, as the searing energy of the ginzuishou surrounded all. He was blind, helpless, screaming--

As he fell, he felt someone, reaching to catch him; and he was pulled close against a familiar body.

"Kunzite-sama--!"

He felt as the cape was wrapped around him, in an attempt to shield him from the burning energy-- (to no avail).

And (very, very close) he heard Kunzite whisper his name.

And after an eternity, held in his lover's arms--

He felt Kunzite's last, shuddering breath.

And he let the darkness take him.

Tsukino

Tsukino

Tsukino

Tsukino--!

Tsukino Usagi.

"...you are expendable, Zoisite."

She thought--

she knew--

I wouldn't be able to---

She's afraid--

afraid of what she can't control

and she wants me to die.

(Tsukino Usagi)

His eyes fluttered open.

--kinomakotohinoreiainominakomizunoamitsukinousagi--

Something-- saying something about-- Moon Kingdom.

The searing pain diminished and was gone, lingering only in his fingers.

Moon-- yes, yes, I remember the Moon Kingdom-- yes.

He had touched it, even... felt the ginzuishou....

"Go on." his voice was not hoarse, to his surprise, "Go on, go on, what does it matter to me."

They looked shocked (Mercury not so...).

"What am I fighting you for, anyway? Just go on." he half-stepped aside, staggering slightly. "Go on! I thought that was what you wanted."

Hesitantly, Venus stepped forward, looking to the others to follow. She shrugged.

He drew a ragged breath, looking over them. Little-- little, foolish girls. "You won't last long, anyway..."

Jupiter snorted, and disappeared from his view, down the passage, the others not far behind.

Only Mercury (Mizuno Ami) paused a moment; looked at him. Her sad blue eyes reflected some depth of emotion he had no wish to penetrate.

"Go on."

He saw her lifeless body sprawled atop a mound of ice, blood trickling down her face, onto the snow.

And shut his eyes.

Stop it.

I don't want to see.

-- elusive-- deadly-- cruel-- beautiful.

Mizuno Ami walked past Zoisite, down the dark passage.

He sank down onto the ground. He had some time to wait.

Bringing his knees up against his chest, he slipped off his glove and felt (just beneath the rough fabric of his jacket) the crinkled form of the picture he had torn from its broken frame.

Not long now.

Chapter 11

Roughly one half of her mind looked with noble, devoted affection at her Princess; smiled sadly (goodbye) lying kindly, as she awaited her imminent end.

The other half was busy screaming I didn't ask for this!

She knew it was her duty, but she didn't want to die.

You are special. something whispered; the something in being a senshi which appealed so much to her. You are elite, you were Chosen, selected.

And--

And you are bound to Her now. Forever. She is all you are. She is all, in your heart, in your mind. For better or for worse, your soul is bound to Her.

Mizuno Ami shivered.

You will put Her before all else.

And if it is required...

you will die for Her.

She didn't want to die. She didn't want to see the others die. But they-- all of them-- were bound, in life and death alike, to the Princess, and there was no escape.

And in truth, perhaps, Ami didn't want to escape.

"Mako-chan..." she murmured. Makoto had been the first, but soon, they all would join her-- no, not Makoto. Jupiter.

I wonder if Mako-chan was thinking about her cooking. Thinking about a boyfriend, or a husband. Children. Ami smiled a little. That'd be nice. She thought of Urawa.

I wonder where Urawa is now?

I saved his life....

A tiny, tiny thought tickled the back of her mind, freezing her cold as the ice about Mako-chan's body.

I wonder--

I wonder if he knew?

Did he know I'd die like this?

She felt a stab of indignation. Why hadn't he-- done something? said something? Didn't he care if she would-- die?

I wonder if he'll marry.

I wonder if he'll have children.

I wonder if he'll ever think of me.

I wonder if he'll regret not-- not doing something.

As the darkness neared her, Ami remembered what she had told Urawa, once, very, very long ago.

I've made my own destiny.

And as the youma bore down on her--

Sailormercury's face wore an expression of calm nobility.

Chapter 12

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

And

(now).

He opened his eyes. He had not exactly slept.

They were dead.

And (Serenity) pressed on, and Endymion was waiting, and Beryl was waiting, and Metallia herself was waiting and it was time.

As he rose to his feet, he realized he was shaking. He reached into his jacket and pulled out the crumpled photograph.

For a long moment, he examined it, tracing the lines with a gloved finger;

Then, Zoisite let it slip away, to the ground. If all went well, he wouldn't need a silly picture to remember Kunzite-sama by. He turned to go.

--But hesitated, turning back-- and stooping quickly, he retrieved the photograph, tucking it back into his coat.

Not so sure.

Then he closed his eyes, and let the familiar petals take him away.

* * *

She knew him. He was one of her own. She had Awakened him, those decades before, bled herself into him, re-forming his body, until all that was him was only a part of herself.

She saw him now, before her mind's eye, and reached to touch his dreams--

What are you?

I am Zoisite.

What are you?

Zoisite.

You are--

me.

Only a small part of what I am.

You are--

only a pawn.

A toy.

A worthless, disposable plaything...

small and weak

fragile

such an emotional specimen

so... foolish.

"Q-queen Metallia--s-sama..."

She turned her consciousness away from the little officer, to Beryl, bowed before her.

Your pettiness displeases me greatly. You've failed again.

"Queen Metallia-sama..." the child looked up to her, golden eyes glittering with-- tears? "I loved him... I loved him. You promised me I could have him--"

What is your 'love' to me... you are only a tool, a weak, mortal tool... but very much now... you are becoming Nothing.

Beryl screamed. The Great One saw that her underling's body was weakened greatly; such a grevious hurt was a great hinderance to her.

"No--!" shrieked the battered once-Queen to her ruler, "You-- lied-- I loved him-- I loved him! I wanted him more than anything! You-- you-- YOU!"

Beryl's voice had elevated to the shriek of a temperamental young girl. The Great One looked on her with scorn.

I should have chosen better. You are only a foolish child.

Beryl screamed as the Dark Energy was sucked away, and she slowly, surely, crumbled into--

Nothing.

The Great One had no mouth to smile.

The time has come.

Come! she roared, Come, my child, come, you foreign one.

The one, she brought; the other had come of his own accord.

Good child.

He looked to her with uncloaked hatred.

But she knew he was trembling.

* * *

Zoisite had never been known for excessive thought before action.

His eyes glittered eerily as he leapt at Serenity-- she raised her Moon Stick, shouted those words-- but he disregarded the pain.

Only one thing--

(in this moment)

just one thing mattered

and that was the ginzuishou.

As he fought to pry her white hands from the object of his desire, Metallia laughed.

Good child.

Zoisite froze.

(somehow) Serenity's gaze met his own.

He saw--

a warrior

a Queen

a girl--

And-- on the surface of those eyes-- his reflection.

He drew back fearfully, his breathing ragged.

"I-- I don't want to be--"

Silly child...

Serenity looked at him with pity... compassion... for a long moment.

And he felt himself drowning in the calmness, the sweet innocence of her eyes.

"Serenity-hime--"

Metallia laughed.

He watched-- horrified-- as the Darkness overtook her, tearing the white dress to shreds, throwing her (innocent) body to the ground, broken, bleeding, screaming, screaming, screaming--

Tsukino Usagi

"God, no..."

Tears? You are weak, child. More than I had thought you....

His face was downcast.

You outlived the others...

one you killed.

one died to save you.

Were you worthy?

Wordlessly, he shook his head.

He was a fool, then, to think you were worthy.

Zoisite's eyes glittered. "He loved me."

He was only... a part of me.

As you are.

"Not for long." whispered the young general.

You cannot kill me, the Great One spoke contemptuously, Even if you had the strength, in doing so, you would destroy yourself.

"So be it."

She laughed.

You cannot fight fire with fire, child.

The blaze only grows.

The mirror was before him again, and, staring deep into his own eyes, he saw... himself.

A darkened, worthless soul in a beautiful body that was little more than a farce-- constructed of Her essences. Hindered by mortal emotionality and insecurity; desperate, and single-sighted-- a murderer-- a fool-- a pawn-- a child-- Her child.

No--!

He felt as the energy began to drain from his body, and he collapsed, writhing in pain.

It is all you are.

He screamed.

Soon, you will be nothing.

Zoisite could no longer breathe; he clutched wildly at his chest, clawing the ground in agony--

and his hand found a crinkled photograph.

He crumpled it in his fist, holding it tightly, weeping....

Though he could not see and (perhaps it did not move) he heard Kunzite-sama.

Yes.

His hand reached out, groping blindly--

and he felt it

and closed his fingers upon it.

It was as if his glove burned away, and the foreign energy seared through into his hand, up his arm, replacing Metallia's slow, crushing torture with a firey (remembered) hell.

He did not scream, nor did he release his hold.

Slowly, he managed to raise his arm towards Metallia.

"Shine yo." Zoisite whispered.

On instinct (or perhaps it told him) he fed his life force into the crystal, and it flared-- violet-- alien-- searing--

As he wavered and sank into darkness, the energy engulfing his body, he heard Metallia screaming.

And Zoisite smiled.

Chapter 13

What do you wish?

You know that.

What is it?

I just want--

Yes?

Whatever I've lost.

I want-- to look in the mirror and not be ashamed

or afraid.

I want all this I've done to be amended.

These--

girls.

These children, who've died--

Serenity-hime--

And... Endymion.

He was lost, too--

I should have seen.

I want to understand.

"I will find the ginzuishou!"

"Dear sakura, you thought I didn't know."

"...is there anything I..."

"You don't seem to realize, sakura-- I can do anything I please."

"You are expendable."

"Were you worthy?"

No.

But he loved me.

And he thought I was worthy.

And so-- I try to be.

Please.

Please.

Please.

I only--

only, now

just one thing ever mattered to me

one thing I ever loved

I want to be with Kunzite-sama.

Amen.

And there was darkness.

Epilogue

The ground beneath him was cold, and rough, and as his eyelids slowly fluttered open, he was greeted by a pale, unfamiliar light.

Earth?

Zoisite rose to a kneeling position on the pavement; and realized, belatedly, that he had been lying on a singularly battered picture.

And that in one hand, he clutched the ginzuishou.

It did not burn him now. Frowning slightly, he gazed into its depths.

"What are you?"

But the crystal was silent.

Tucking the photograph into his jacket once more, Zoisite rose to his feet, and looked a moment towards the sky, touched now by the pale, cold light of dawn.

It's only beginning.

"I won't fail you, Kunzite-sama."

End.

Author's Endnotes

It's over. My project of half a year is over. So I can start to hate it now.

It was actually supposed to be complete in itself; but reading over it now, it seems more of... an introduction, to something bigger. So maybe there'll be a sequel, I don't know. But don't hold your breath (not that anyone was...).

And please, please, please tell me what you thought.

If it inspires you to throw money at me... I'd be pretty surprised.

If it inspires you to throw rotten fruit at me... well, I've got this cantaloupe in my fridge...

Sailormoon and all related characters/items are owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Toei animation, and so on, and so on, and so on. I'm not trying to make any money off this, and if I was, I wouldn't be able to. Please don't sue me, I'm saving up to buy BSSM Volume 9....

"My greatest thought in living is Heathcliff.
If all else perished, and HE remained,
I should still continue to be....

Nelly, I AM Heathcliff!
He's always, always in my mind:
not as a pleasure, but as my own being."

-Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights"