This is. The stupidest. Thing. Ever. No, I'm not kidding. No false modesty. It's really, REALLY REALLY stupid!! ... It was written in a moment of intense frustration, stupidity, and random silliness. No satire here. No social commentary. No Speed Racer, even. Just lots of stupidity.

And Canadian cereal.

It was written also with the intention of not being obscure or confusing (this was a request, you see). So it's stupid.

Stupid.

"Ne?"

There was once a girl named Usagi.

Some people think Usagi is Serena, but she isn't. OH NO!!! Despite her denials, Serena is ACTUALLY an EVIL ENTITY from the NEGAFORCE.. I mean, negaVERSE.. right? What the hell. She's really an evil NEGA- Usagi IMPERSONATER... impersonator? ... which is one of the SEVEN DEADLY SINS!!!!!!

Usagi-impersonating, that is.

So-- Serena is not Usagi. She's EEEVIL! She fights not for ai to seigi-- love and JUSTICE!-- but RATHER, for TERRI HAWKES, STUPID MUSIC, and CANADIAN CEREAL!!!!!

But that's not the point.

This is Usagi. A girl named Usagi (who should not be impersonated by supporters of Negacanadian Negacereal! or anyone else! OH NO!!!).

So Usagi (the girl) loved a(n alleged) boy, named MAMORU!

Who isn't Darien. OH NO! He's never HEARD the name DARIEN!

(That was a bad joke and an obscure reference. I profoundly apologise. It was VERY EVIL.)

Now Mamoru, it is alleged, was a boy. And Usgai ... Usagi... was a girl. Righty-ho.

So anyway! Usagi loved Mamoru, after she finished hating him. She hated him because he was a stupid jerk. Because he was a stupid jerk, Usagi liked to throw things... at his head. Hot DAMN, but she liked to throw things at his head!!! OH YES!!! SHE JUST LOVED THROWING THINGS AT MAMORU. 's head.

Usagi did.

Usagi the girl.

Okay.

She threw all sorts of things at his head. Like napkins, and shoes, and test papers, and cats. Especially cats. Especially HER cat, LUNA! Usagi ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY loved throwing LUNA (her cat) at MAMORU's HEAD!

Which, come to think of it, is "Atama no Mamoru."

Neat.

So. Luna, Usagi's cat (Neko no Usagi!) was frequently thrown at Mamoru's head. This was because Mamoru was from the NEGAV... Dark Kingdom. Well, he wasn't really, but he was brought there to be a sex slave for...

I'm getting obscure now, aren't I? But also vulgar, so you probably didn't notice the obscurity.

So anyway, Mamoru-- wait, dammit, he should be Endymion, right? ENDYMION! Endymion. Go back and replace all (well, most) instances of "Mamoru" with "Endymion." Now keep reading.

ENDYMION!!! was part of the DARK KINGDOM!!! because he'd been kidnaped in a big red soap bubble. That's not obscure because I explained it. Kind of. Forget that sentence and read on.

Endymion was no longer in the soap bubble, although he was still in the Dark Kingdom. He was also in--

Uh, hold on a second there... forget that sentence, it's icky.

Endymion was... evil. Yeah, evil. So Usagi threw her cat Luna at his head, while he was not OTHERWISE OCCUPIED HEAVY INNUENDO HERE but nothing like that OTHER sentence up there!!!!

Have I gotten obscure?

The person who had CAPTURED Endymion for this SHOCKING!! purpose was named QUEEN BERYL!!! Which is actually "Beriru," unless you're a STUPID AMERICAN!!!

Or a supporter of Canadian cereal.

So Beryl... and... Usagi... and... M-- Endymion.. they... uhhhh... theyyyyy...

They ate Ura. For... lunch. With sauce.

SHIT! I can't write that! It's horrible! DELETE THAT SENTENCE!!!!

They... they, they, they. Endymion and... Luna... sang... karaoke. So Queen Beryl threw Usagi at... at... Kunzite's head.

(It's not obscure just because I said "Kunzite," is it?)

Kunzite, by the way, was not Malachite. He didn't even like cereal.

Moving on...

Stuff happened. Lots of stuff. TONS OF STUFF!!! Interesting, intriguing stuff. Unfortunately I can't be bothered with it just now, because.. the East and South winds were diving over the fine ocean shores towards the whistling Trojan's eyes.

And... Usagi was still a girl... and she and Mamoru... lived happily ever after.

So did everyone else too, just for the hell of it.

Except Serena, the Negaverse, and Canadian cereal.

THE END!!!

Ura's the funky cat-armor thing from El Hazard. She has the neatest, squishiest voice in the world. "Makoto? Daijobu?"