Sailor Moon: Tacky Yellow No Name
The Official Authors' Version 2.0

Tuxedo Malachite and Sailor Zoisite by Astrodonna It appears all the other live versions of this classic comedy have disappeared from the internet. Tacky Yellow No Name had long been a fic on the Lethe's Banks watchlist of endangered classic fics - and here we are in 2019 with no other live versions to be found. Given the copious amounts of recommendations this fic still gets, I felt it would be a nice gesture to make it more accessible for casual searchers. -- LP9

Tacky Yellow No Name is a spoof. If you're going to read it and send some rabid email about what terrible people we are... um.. hey, go ahead! Hate mail makes us laugh. ;) Nonetheless, if you're planning to enjoy yourself, it's best to have a sense of humor.

We wrote this fanfic in 1996. At the time, two of the three authors (Housecoat and Cape Girl) had never met the third (Orange Shirt) - and Housecoat was living across the country. (Which country? Canada! Yes, we be Canadian.) So the entire thing was written by passing bits and pieces around in email. It took about a month. When we released it on the web, we weren't expecting that we'd still be getting email about it four years later! So thanks tons and tons to everyone who's written to us over the years and let us know that they laughed.

With that said: the disclaimer! This work is based on characters originally created by Takeuchi Naoko, and copyrighted in North America by DiC. We also ripped off a lot of other anime, plus Monty Python, Time Bandits, various other things... Don't sue us. We don't have any money. -- CG.

On to the fic!

  • Chapter 1: In the great void that was the heart of all time and space, two beings floated.
  • Chapter 2: Somehow, a pained scream had not been the reaction Zoisite was expecting at Malachite's first sighting of the new living room furniture.
  • Chapter 3: Malachite whistled cheerfully as he trekked home that evening.
  • Chapter 4: In the meantime (not the nice time), the Scouts had wandered over to Raye's temple, because they always went there.
  • Chapter 5: As the sun rose the next morning, Malachite was walking along the street.
  • Chapter 6: Less than an hour later, Darien, the five girls, Luna, Artemis and the two ex-generals were sitting in Raye's temple discussing the situation.
  • Chapter 7: "Hi, you've reached Darien! I'm out fighting evil or messing up my personal relationships, so if you'd care -"
  • BONUS: The Tux Song

    • Lethe's Banks