Troll, out of boredom, asks to email Satan's Gurlie.

February 8th, 2002
Subject: April...
Josh,
Here mate, I know we haven't always agreed on things in the past, but that plonker April has been bothering my Lady Luv. Now, I've talked it over with her. She has given me permission to intercede there as well. I know that my actions did not do much between the two of us, however, my Lady is no longer complaining, so I do not mind. Anyhow, I was wondering if you would mind terribly if I took a whack at April as well. Maybe if I annoy her enough, she'll go away. Being a man of honor, I do not wish to tread on anyone's toes, least of all yours. So, my good man, let me know what you think. I promise not to correct your grammer if you do not want me too, that is if you restrain your comments about me.
I'm an easy going fellow, and really do not like confrontations. That little bint however, has bothered my Luv, and through her me, enough. So, what do you say ole boy, mind if I e-mail her?
-Adelar the Troll

And Necron agrees:

Subject: KARNIGE FLESH DOOMB ODY RISE
troll i dont like you but if you get april off my ass thats a good thing. she is ingnerent of all which i do, inkluding the dark carfts of marilyn mansun staind limp bizkit and the feest of fluwid. and she ask me to prom, well thats the last strah.so i dont kare if you botther her she's a bitch.oh yeah but leeve the prinsess alone. she likes me noww we komuilkate alot. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

And Troll continues:

Subject: No Harm Mate
Josh,
Here, mate, I am a man of honor. Ask the Lady. I don't intend to infringe on this newfound communication you and my Lady have. She seems to be enjoying it, and what makes her happy, makes me happy.
So, may I ask you a question, is April as Ghetto as she sounds? Cause I've lived near a few ghettos in me time, and April presents herself as a resident of one of the lower ones.
Let me try to make my intentions clear to you. One, I am bored, and my Lady has kept me up-to-date with everything going on with the e-mails. Me mates and I have found it all rather amusing. Course, that could be caused by the fact that most of em are pissed when they read the buggers. Anyhow, we all really want to give April a piece of our minds, amoung other things...
Now then, if I am to do this, I want permission. You were unclear on whether or not you would give that to me. Since she claims to be your friend, and you are the one who knows, I am going to you for this permisssion. Also, I already have my Lady's.
Oh dear, I've lost my train of thought... Oh, yes, I agree with you. April's musical selection is horrid. Course, who am I to judge her? I do not even know her... still... horrid...
Oh, and if I'm going to do this, I was wondering if you could give me physical descriptions. Not only of April, but of yourself. I like to have mental images when I communicate others. The road goes both ways, if there is anything you would like to know about me, feel free to ask.
I take it you are not to happy with the fact that April asked you to prom. Do they still hold it in the horrid cafeteria of DMMS? I only went one year. Horrid, absolutely horrid. Wups... slightly off subject there... uhm... oh, yes... April claims that you asked her. Says you asked her to the valentines dance as well.
Well, I have to be off. Let me know what you think mate.
-Adelar the Troll

February 9th, 2002
Subject: BLASTFEMEE DIE MORTAL DIE DIE DIE
troll, yeah sure bother april all ya want, i dont kare. she's no getto, she a poser who lissens to to much jello and rapp music.her dad drives a vulva and she is rich and disses amerika and bys all her vampyre cloths at the mall,well as a terreriust ya knoww all bout that and now she lissens to mansun and staind and powerman all my music. and she wants too be in the spooky childrun not onmy dark coffin.ya but shes stoopid and ingnerent.she doesn't have what it takes to be a vampyre. well shes ugley and soyuled, i dunno shes shoet and ugley and sorta fat no shes not skinny like herr lettres said, shes a lyer and has no tits. as a man i like tist.ha ha beetween us ha ha. yeah but my forses of doom deem her unwer0othy plankton. i am a hansome vampyre with retaktabel fangs and claws which are very sharp. my flesh is koverred in korpsepaint so it wont wither away in sun lite.iam 7feet tall and have big mussels. i wil pretect the prinsess.and suck the blood of hairyticks. so yeah write to april i dont kare. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

Necron also got back in touch with me...

Subject: BLACKENED CHARED SKWIRL RELEESE DOOM SKWEEL YER BLOOD IS MINE
ha ha yeah satan, she's mentilly defishent alright. yeah troll says he's goingto bother her he can do that cuz i'm fed up.i'm not going to valentins dance and thats vinal, bhut shes calling me all the damm time bout it. well yeah,i say i'm giong but just to hide bihing bilding and suck the blood of virgins ha ha ha. i'll do that cuz lots of freshmans go ha ha ha. and frshmans are all virgins exsept fer april yeah ha ha. ok yeah.oh prinssess i couldn't stop goingto yer site. i hope you accept my carft,my doom art of the red sailer scowt.i tried reely hard to make it look good,its not as good as yers, tho.
i told you id write a prare and i am a vampyre of my bloody werd.but i'm thirsthy fer blood and unfortenetly its probley goning to be skwirl blood tonite.i'll make sure to sakirfise a skwirl to ya. i love you prinsess and wership you always. NECRON ROMNCER OF DEATH.

February 12th, 2002
Subject: Boozin...
Josh,
Here mate, sorry it took me so long to reply. Me and my mates went out clubbing, hit most of the pubs. We got really pissed and spent most of the weekend that way. Then one of me mates got so bleedin pissed we ended up having to take the bloke to the hospital. They pumped his stomach. The silly sod. That'll teach him to drink too much.
Right, sorry, got off track. Let's see.. oh, right. Say, what does being a terrorist have to do with buying clothes at a shopping mall? Incidentally, I'm not really a terrorist. Not enough money in that you know. The closest I get to being a terrorist is simply being a rebel with me motorcycle, and tattoos. Hehe, my lady loves it when I wear me biking clothes. I suppose it is the smell of leather.... can't really blame her...
So, April is short, fat, and has no breasts. Sounds a triffle dull. Why do you pass your time with her? If you don't like her, tell her to shove off. That's what I do with the bints that bother me. Do you think she realizes how bleedin stupid she sounds in her e-mails? She really does come off as a corner chick, worth say, one pound, max. Hell, maybe even only a couple of quid.
Here, I have to scat. Me mates and I are headed off to do some work. Yeah, right. Like our lot is going to be doing much in the way of work. Do you want me to send you copies of the e-mails I send April? I'll be sending copies to my Lady as it is.
Oh, and for phsical descriptions; I'm a little over six foot, have dark brown, almost black hair, which I keep short cause of my hobbies, but it's just long enough that the lady can play with it the way she likes too. I have two tattoos. One on me right forearm, and one on the inside upper part of me left arm. I'm left handed, and have my left ear pierced, usually I tend to favor either a simple silver hoop or a silver cross in the hole. I know you didn't ask, but I figured that since you had done me the favor of answering my questions, I'd provide you with a bit about meself.
-Adelar the Troll

Troll also contacted Satan's Gurlie

Subject: Satan and Josh
Greetings April,
You do not know me, however, you have been in correspondance with my Lady. Your friend Josh has recently become aquainted with her. I, am Adelar, her boyfriend. I simply wanted to let you know that she had no intentions of taking Josh from you. She and I are most happy together. In no way has she encouraged Josh's sentiments. He has latched on to her of his own free will. I really cannot blame him, as I fell rather hard for her myself.
I would greatly appreciate it if you would refrain from being such a shite to my Lady. She has done nothing to either you or Josh to merit the treatment you have given her. I would also like to point out, that contrary to your belief, she does indeed, have a boyfriend, though, I am not a boy. I stopped being a boy several years ago. My lady and I have grown up together, and so, neither of us has any interest in outside relationships. She consideres her corespondance with Josh to be a source of amusement and interest. We all need a break from the monotony from time to time, and Josh provides her with that, though I do my best to help her out there as well. There really is only so much you can do across oceans.
Well, that would be about it. Good luck with convincing Josh that he wishes to attend prom and the valentines day dance with you. He seems fairly certain that you are not what he wants. Good luck to you.
-Adelar the Troll
Keeper of Satan's heart)

And I got a prayer again...

Subject: KARNIVLE OF KARNIGE
fair prinsess i give too you a prare now of my own makieng.
HOLLOW ERTH SWALLOW DOOM FORSE DIE
MORTAL RELESE LAST BRETH LAST SIE
WORMS IN FLESH NOW WILL PINITRAET
BODY CHARED BLACK NOW DICENTIGREAT
RISE AGIN VAMPYRE VOO DOO FANG BLOOD PEERSE
ALL LIGHT PARTS WAY DAR NESS IN HEERSE
EXPOESED NECK WHITE DRIPPIENG BLOOD
GANGRIL LORD OF NITE MAKE STREEM A FLOOD
SATAN KWEEN OF DOOM PRINSESS OF EVIL
YER GIFTS MY WOMAN FLESH FER THE KILL
RTHOW ON FIRE OF SLAYING DOOM SKWIRL RABBUT
AND FOX CHANT PRARE ONCE MAKE IT A HABBUT
KONSUUME OF FLESH NOWW SATAN ITS YERS
BLANKNED KOFFIN OPEN SUT WORMY MEAT FURS
VESSKLE OF MORTAL BODY SEEKREETE MY MEEL
KORPSIUVCKLE BEELEEVE YER FLESH IN SATAN TRADE A DEEL
ROCK STAR OF DOOM THRO GITAR INTO PITT
BURN FLAMES RAIDEO SEEP BLOOD FER A NEW HITT
WERSHIP DARKNESS FEREVER YER FATE IS MINE
SASETH SATAN PRINSESS OF DOOM TO NECRON VAMPYE OF DOOM IS KIND
GRIM REEPER NOW UDDERS LAST CHANTS DARKEND PRARE
BODYS LEEP OWT OF GRAVES WITH NO KARE
CHANT CLOSE SONG END BIG PORE MANIGE
MORTALS NO MATCH FER THE KARNIVLE OF KARNIGE
I SIGN NOW NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH RASER OF PARE OF DOOM TO SATAN PRINSESS OF DARKNESS MY MEEL OF BLOODS IN DOOM SHAODTHS AWATES
fersake me not, prinsess fer im yer slave

The fun just keeps on coming!

February 14th, 2002
Subject: BLOOD TIDE TURN BLACK SHOROWD KOVER SKY FATE DOOMED
troll now dont get me wrong i dont' hang owt with april she just follows me. i try to hide but it's futill it never werks she just finds md and makes me hungre for dark revenje. yer a terrerist now i'm sure but i dont know why yer in pubs. ha ha one time me and the spooky chidrun got some peech snaps and poored it over a dead rabbut and burned it. ha ha there was no blood then we drank rest of the snaps. may bee i shold burn apriul but in amerika my kuntry,it's ileegel. im a vmpyre tho so i could drink her blood but it's soyuled. not even if i was desperite i would drink her blood.now don't get me wrong i like beautifull womem. satan prinsess of darkness is beuatifuller then all other gurls i've seen. i want to tuch her hair to make her moen in pleshure. i kould do it to,and better then any terrerist.now the moon is owt and i need to enjest blood. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

*coughs and splutters* Oh my.

Subject: Pubs...
Josh,
Why was I in a pub? That's simple, me mates and I was gettin pissed. You know, shitfaced. It was a night out on the town. Actually, more like two nights. You can till I was still a little out of it, look at me typing!
I know about America. I spend half me time there. Grew up there, sorta. How else would I be able to say that my lady and I went to school together? Hell, me dad and I lived a street over from her. Still do when I'm home.
Sorry April is such a bother to you. Don't kill her. Then she'll just haunt you. I'd still try tellin her to piss off. Most females dislike it when you tell em stuff like that. At least they do here. Generally they really mean abou tit, but it works. Then again, we sorta have a reputation for being self absorbed folks here. You know, stuff an stuff. That's just cause we tend to hide our fun side...
I'm still not a terrorist. Like I said, no money in that department. No glory really either. Nobody really likes you. Still just plain ole Adelar the Troll. Pass me time with me mates and me education.
Well, I have to go. I have things to do, and never enough time to do it in. Plus, today is cupid day, so I have to make a transatlantic phone call.... I generally try to limit those to one a week, but not this week.
-Adelar the Troll

Now, out of right field, and totally unsolicited, I get this little ditty from the ex who gave me my nickname Satan.

Subject: Re: conclusions
fuck your soul searching fuck your stupid ways, ahh what the hell fuck you, ps i hope you die and rot in your own shit
thank you
james wallace

Nice to know you were coming to my site - NOT. You aren't Necron are you, Mr. James Daniel Wallace of Grundy, VA? Was the the school shooting that sent you over the edge, or was it the lack of cybersex?

February 15th, 2002
Subject: My, my...
Now, now,
Aren't we the mean spirited little bastard? Piss off and leave [Satan] alone. I do not like it when filthy little buggers like you bother her. She's my lady, and I will not let you type at her that way. So sod off!
Adelar

I don't know why Troll tries to defend me. It's really pointless. See the next email...

Subject: Re: My, my...
ahhhh how sweet come to a sluts rescue, listen here little boy why dont you bend over and let [Satan] fuck you with her strap on like the bitch you are, so...hows the old slut doin theses days???
see you in hell cock sucker, you to nasty little slut
fuck off and most importantly fuck your god
james wallace

Why bother, I say. I got out my two cents at the bastard seven months ago, and it's done with. Too bad he couldn't come up with a snappier comeback, though, ne?

Troll continues to annoy my stalkers.

February 15th, 2002, continued
Subject: I told you to piss off..
James,
I do believe I told you to piss off. You are a nasty little bugger aren't you? [Satan] is of no concern of yours. I am not her 'bitch' nor is she mine. Course, I do not expect you to understand that, being the wanker that you are. And she isn't a bint, as you so implied. I'm not jumping to her defense, I'm telling you to sod off cause you irritated me. I dislike it when wankers like you call my Lady such horrid names.
Piss off.
=Adelar

The opening night of The Neciverse drew Necron's attention.

February 16th, 2002
Subject: ROLLING ON HILLICKS OF DOOM
satan my prinsess i see that you have betrayed me again. our lettres are on a site that mocks my givin name of doom like april but worse. how could you do this now my reputashun as doom coven leader is soyuled.the spooky children laffed at me well i'm not laffing. i love you but i dont under sdtand. last nite we hold right cerimony to disimbowl flesh korsps fer you. i cast a spell maybee that will un do this and make you love me. look i reely thought you loved me cuz you were not beeing krewl.now i will retire to the shadows.blood awaits and i will kill who ever told you to do this. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

Archiving letters is not a cruel act. In fact, getting out my rusty philosopher's hat, I'd say no act is either cruel or kind. But never mind that. Troll got one too...

Subject: DEATH BELL RING DIE TROLL DIE MORTLA SKERGE
troll, now i'm mad fer i have been betrayed. you told my prinsess to make site agisnts me didnt you. admitt it troll. now our letters of preshus doom are on the site. theymake the spooky childrun mock ledrea well that's uneskusible. have you ever burned any thinkg with booze.chant doom rip drink blood troll. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

I replied to mine:

Subject: Re: ROLLING ON HILLICKS OF DOOM
The Neciverse is an homage to you. Yes, it is a very unglorius name, but it is a pun from the dubbed version of Sailor Moon. I'm not making fun of you. The site is not complete yet, hence it still has the original comments as I posted them on SHOBA. However, not many people ever get a website devoted to their emails. Feel honored.
~Satan, Princess of Darkness

And Troll replied to his:

Subject: What do you mean?
Josh,
What in blody hell are you talking about? I didn't tell my Lady to do anything. Like I would even try to bend her to my will. Too right. She is one headstrong bird. She doesn't let anyone order her around, and if she does, it's only until she punishes em. I do not have a death wish. Only a great fool would try to tell her what to do. I am not a great fool, so I clearly I would not tell her what to do.
-Adelar

Troll got another one from James as well:

Subject: Re: I told you to piss off..
i tell you what, you can suck my dick and we will call it even, as far as wanker bugger and the rest of your bullshit, cut it its a fake nice try though if i was 12 like the rest of the ppl you talk to ie little girls trying to get them on cam and masturbate to you i might believe you tell your lady she is a bit might of a little wanker whore
thank you
james wallace

Stop mackin on my boyfriend, will ya? He's sweet, sweet as honey, and you know it, babe.

Necron replies about the Neciverse:

February 17th, 2002
Subject: BEGIN SERIMONY DOOM MOON HIGH MOON DOON CHANT
oh i see well then my prinsess i fergive you.some times i wunder if i fergive you too much but you are beautifull prinsess icant stay mad at you.my spooky childrun vampyre DOOM WORM OF ISHMAEL said i was wipped fer ya and i told him he's be sakrifised if he innsalted satan any more as you are the prinsess and we wership you suck blood fer you.the moon is high he turns into wearwolf. i'll kill him then.anything to protekt the misstress some oif the spooky children are a hassel and hairytickital, they need to be perged.well time fer the serimony with the dinisores vampyres of amerika. luv you prinsess will kill hope fully a virgin but i can't make promises. bloody kisses NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

Gotta snap back at him, you know...

Subject: Re: BEGIN SERIMONY DOOM MOON HIGH MOON DOON CHANT
You do forgive me too much. External beauty is no excuse.
The Succubus is getting anxious to hear from you, and Chibi pJ wonders whether you have seen her in person or not.
~Satan, Princess of Darkness